Comparing Yourself to Others

News
No new updates for this week.

Quote
"By your own soul, learn to live
And if men thwart you take no heed.
If men hate you have no care.
Sing your song, dream your dream,
Hope your hope and pray your prayer."
-Pakenham Beatty

My Thoughts
A few weeks ago, I mentioned about asking yourself how bad is your situation when you are feeling down. This is a comparison to someone else who's situation is worse of than you. That method is a great way to start to look at your situation from another perspective.

This week I'd like to talk about two dangers associated with this.

The first is that you use the technique and then start to become vain. Example: How bad is my situation compared to the homeless person I see every day?
Not so bad.
I am better than that homeless person, why is he/she so lazy? etc...

Obviously that is an over simplified example, but it can happen. We need to be cautious of this.

The second one is possibly even more dangerous. This is when we compare the opposite way.
Example: My friends that are the same age as me are all way more successful than me.
I should be more successful.
Why am I not successful?
I feel miserable.

I've noticed a trend over the last two years or so with many coaching clients. Many seem to be doing the second method of comparing quite frequently and the internet seems to have increased this. The main culprit appears to be Facebook.

Facebook is a great way to reconnect with, or stay in contact with, relatives, friends, classmates, etc.. But we must remember that most of what we see on Facebook is the image that that person wants to show off to the world (in many cases).

I know many of you know this already, but it can be difficult to remember when we are feeling down. Generally we are not seeing the real person, it's just what they would like reflected to everyone else.

Then we end up unhappy because we assume that everyone else is happy. The truth is we have no idea what is really going on in their lives. Even the people we are close to, oftentimes we don't really know what's going on in their lives.

I encourage you this week to see how often you make these comparisons. Then start eliminating them. When you find yourself comparing, remind yourself that you don't really know what's going on.

Look at your own life. Ask yourself, "What can I control?", "What can I do", these two questions can lead to some powerful growth when you spend time reflecting on them.

Serenity

News
No new updates for this week.

Quote
Fill your bowl to the brim and it will spill.
Keep sharpening your knife and it will blunt.
Chase after money and security and your heart will never unclench.
Care about other people's approval and you will be their prisoner.
Do your work, then step back. The only path to serenity.
-Lao Tzu

My Thoughts
No thoughts from me this week. I'd like you to reflect on the above quote and see how you can apply it in your life.

Have an amazing week.

Let it Be

News
No new updates for this week.

Quote
"Let it be."
-The Beatles

My Thoughts
Those three words are perhaps probably the hardest to live by. It can be very difficult in times of struggle and heartache to just let it be. And yet the struggles we go through are what we need to become stronger and wiser. They shape us.

In the midst of struggling it can be very hard to accept that this what is needed for our growth. Many people may not want to learn the lesson from that struggle at that moment in time so they turn away and try to find something to ease their pain. Of course in coaching, we would say something like stop using the word struggle and replace it with something positive like growth opportunity. And that is sound advice for most of life's challenges. But what about when something hurts so deep it cuts through to the core of your being? Simply trying to rephrase it as a growth opportunity is not so easy.

For example: When my Mom died at 13 it changed my world view and I felt very lost for some time. Trying to shift perception from struggle to opportunity would have been incredibly difficult in the few days following her death. Not impossible of course just difficult. Just letting it be, letting time go by helped. It eventually made me stronger and helped me deal with the numerous challenges I faced as I grew older.

For all of you struggling with life's challenges at the moment, I suggest you do your best to let it be. Eventually you will see light at the end of the tunnel. Later you will realize it was beneficial for your growth and be grateful for it.

Have an outstanding week.