News
No new updates for this week.
Quote
“ We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways - the ways we react and behave when we love someone.
-John Gray
My Thoughts
Assumptions and miscommunication can lead relationships down a dangerous path. One that ultimately leads to failure. This is what I have experienced.
I pondered discussing this, but I am not one to hide things because perhaps my experience can help one of you.
I am recently divorced. I was in a relationship for eight years (married for five years) before we separated last summer and eventually divorced. I have no harsh feelings about my ex and I wish her the best. What lead to our divorce was assumptions and miscommunication. Even though both of us are certified coaches we still failed to communicate properly.
Relationships take work, we can't just assume that our partners will react and behave the same way that we do. Even though my ex and I knew better we eventually allowed our communication to break down and we assumed that somehow it would work itself out. The problem was that the communication broke down for so long that we weren't able to get it back on track.
Oftentimes men assume that woman will communicate directly, while women assume that men will be able to read into what they are saying. This leads to many arguments. It's the equivalent of speaking a language to someone that doesn't understand the language you are speaking.
I have learned that in order for a relationship to work we need to let go of assumptions. We need to be willing to learn to communicate. We need to learn to give up saying how our partners "should" be acting. Finally we need to stop comparing our partners to others (especially exes). Those are a few things that I have learned and I am sure that I will learn many other lessons as life goes on.
I encourage all of you to look at any of your relationships and ask yourself, "Am I doing my best?", "and What could I do to improve my relationships?". After you answer those questions, I recommend that you put what you learned into action.
I highly recommend the books "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray, and "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.
Have a wonderful week.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Love
News
No new updates for this week
Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I found a story that I wanted to share with you.
Story
by Massud Farzan
A lover knocked at the door of his beloved.
"Who is it?" she replied.
The lover replied, "It is I."
"Go away. This house will not hold you and I."
The rejected lover retreated into the wilderness. For a long time he prayed and meditated on the beloved's words. Finally he returned and knocked at the door again.
"Who is it?" she said again.
The lover replied, "It is you."
Immediately, the door opened.
Have an awesome week!
No new updates for this week
Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I found a story that I wanted to share with you.
Story
by Massud Farzan
A lover knocked at the door of his beloved.
"Who is it?" she replied.
The lover replied, "It is I."
"Go away. This house will not hold you and I."
The rejected lover retreated into the wilderness. For a long time he prayed and meditated on the beloved's words. Finally he returned and knocked at the door again.
"Who is it?" she said again.
The lover replied, "It is you."
Immediately, the door opened.
Have an awesome week!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Just Talk
News
No new updates for this week.
Instead of sharing my thoughts this week, I'd like to just share a quote. I encourage all of us to ponder this quote and see how we can implement it into our lives.
Quote
“However many holy words you read,However many you speak,What good will they do you If you do not act on upon them?”
-Buddha
Have an incredible week.
No new updates for this week.
Instead of sharing my thoughts this week, I'd like to just share a quote. I encourage all of us to ponder this quote and see how we can implement it into our lives.
Quote
“However many holy words you read,However many you speak,What good will they do you If you do not act on upon them?”
-Buddha
Have an incredible week.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Priorities
News
No new updates for this week.
Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I've decided to share two stories I found on Paulo Coelho's blog.
Stories
The umbrella
As tradition dictates, upon entering his Zen master’s house, the disciple left his shoes and umbrella outside.
“I saw through the window that you were arriving,” said the master. “Did you leave your shoes to the right or the left of the umbrella?”
“I haven’t the least idea. But what does that matter? I was thinking of the secret of Zen!”
“If you don’t pay attention in life, you will never learn anything. Communicate with life, pay each moment the attention it deserves – that is the only secret of Zen.”
Why leave man to the sixth day
A group of wise men gathered to discuss the work of God; they wanted to know why he had left it to the sixth day to create man.
“He thought about first organizing the Universe well, so that we could have all the marvels available to us,” said one of them.
“First of all He wanted to run some tests on animals, so that He would not make the same mistakes with us,” argued another.
One wise Jew showed up at the meeting. They told him the theme of the discussion: “in your opinion, why did God leave it to the last day to create man?”
“Very simple,” commented the wise man. “So that when we were moved by pride, we would remember that even a simple mosquito enjoyed priority in the work of the Divine.”
Have an amazing week.
No new updates for this week.
Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I've decided to share two stories I found on Paulo Coelho's blog.
Stories
The umbrella
As tradition dictates, upon entering his Zen master’s house, the disciple left his shoes and umbrella outside.
“I saw through the window that you were arriving,” said the master. “Did you leave your shoes to the right or the left of the umbrella?”
“I haven’t the least idea. But what does that matter? I was thinking of the secret of Zen!”
“If you don’t pay attention in life, you will never learn anything. Communicate with life, pay each moment the attention it deserves – that is the only secret of Zen.”
Why leave man to the sixth day
A group of wise men gathered to discuss the work of God; they wanted to know why he had left it to the sixth day to create man.
“He thought about first organizing the Universe well, so that we could have all the marvels available to us,” said one of them.
“First of all He wanted to run some tests on animals, so that He would not make the same mistakes with us,” argued another.
One wise Jew showed up at the meeting. They told him the theme of the discussion: “in your opinion, why did God leave it to the last day to create man?”
“Very simple,” commented the wise man. “So that when we were moved by pride, we would remember that even a simple mosquito enjoyed priority in the work of the Divine.”
Have an amazing week.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Kindness
News
No new updates for this week.
Quote
"If you find yourself in a confrontation of any kind with anyone, be it a family member or a stranger, before reacting ask yourself, "Is what I am about to say motivated by my need to be right, or my desire to be kind?" Then pick a response that stems from kindness, regardless of how your ego objects."
-Wayne Dyer
My Thoughts
I believe this is such great advice, although it can be quite challenging to practice it in our daily lives. I think to really change the world we need to become more loving. And not just loving when it's convenient, but loving at all times. I realize this is no easy task but I think it can help make life incredibly fulfilling.
From what I have experienced and observed, the ego tends to push us away from love. It desires to be right, it seeks to get what it wants. The ego is essentially me and my, whereas love is us and our. If we start to feed the ego we start to notice narcissistic tendencies (ex: I did this; look at me, I am so...). If we continue feeding it, then it can lead to anger and of course if we continue going down that path it can eventually lead to extremes such as murder, rape, etc...
I think to counteract the ego we need to choose love above all else. I think the first step is loving yourself. Try not to constantly beat yourself up for past mistakes or regrets. Then try starting off small. I recommend trying it with someone you love. Perhaps when the person you love does something that irritates you, instead of judging them (whether you say it or not), try and understand them. Try to look at it from their point of view. If you make a continuous effort to do this, you will find yourself judging those you love less and less. Then you can make an effort to do this to strangers. Another technique with strangers is to imagine the person that you are judging as one of your family members (one that you love of course :)
This can also help in communicating better to those that you love. I am sure you may have experienced the end of a relationship because you didn't want to take the initiative to communicate after an argument because you were "right" and/or you didn't want to say sorry because you didn't do anything "wrong". Once you start trying to look at the situation from that person's point of view you will be more likely to start communicating with them first.
I encourage all of us this week to heed Wayne Dyer's advice.
Have a beautiful week.
No new updates for this week.
Quote
"If you find yourself in a confrontation of any kind with anyone, be it a family member or a stranger, before reacting ask yourself, "Is what I am about to say motivated by my need to be right, or my desire to be kind?" Then pick a response that stems from kindness, regardless of how your ego objects."
-Wayne Dyer
My Thoughts
I believe this is such great advice, although it can be quite challenging to practice it in our daily lives. I think to really change the world we need to become more loving. And not just loving when it's convenient, but loving at all times. I realize this is no easy task but I think it can help make life incredibly fulfilling.
From what I have experienced and observed, the ego tends to push us away from love. It desires to be right, it seeks to get what it wants. The ego is essentially me and my, whereas love is us and our. If we start to feed the ego we start to notice narcissistic tendencies (ex: I did this; look at me, I am so...). If we continue feeding it, then it can lead to anger and of course if we continue going down that path it can eventually lead to extremes such as murder, rape, etc...
I think to counteract the ego we need to choose love above all else. I think the first step is loving yourself. Try not to constantly beat yourself up for past mistakes or regrets. Then try starting off small. I recommend trying it with someone you love. Perhaps when the person you love does something that irritates you, instead of judging them (whether you say it or not), try and understand them. Try to look at it from their point of view. If you make a continuous effort to do this, you will find yourself judging those you love less and less. Then you can make an effort to do this to strangers. Another technique with strangers is to imagine the person that you are judging as one of your family members (one that you love of course :)
This can also help in communicating better to those that you love. I am sure you may have experienced the end of a relationship because you didn't want to take the initiative to communicate after an argument because you were "right" and/or you didn't want to say sorry because you didn't do anything "wrong". Once you start trying to look at the situation from that person's point of view you will be more likely to start communicating with them first.
I encourage all of us this week to heed Wayne Dyer's advice.
Have a beautiful week.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Compassion
News
No new updates for this week.
Quote
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
-Dalai Lama
My Thoughts
From what I have experienced, all people seem to be seeking happiness. We make decisions based on an expected outcome that something will make us happier. Some things we think will provide instant happiness such as: partying, shopping, watching a movie, etc... Other things won't make us happy right away, for example going to get an MBA, but we expect after the hard work is over that we will be more happy because with the MBA will come more opportunities, or so we think.
Recognizing that people are just doing what they think will bring them happiness can help us understand people better. Once we realize this then we will begin to judge people less. Our compassion will grow. This will lead to a greater feeling of inner peace and the beginning of experiencing internal happiness.
In my own life I have found that true happiness is not dependent on external conditions, it comes from within. I am not suggesting that doing an activity that you enjoy will not cause a rise in your happiness, because it can. The challenge is that sometimes when an activity we were enjoying is finished then our happiness level drops. This can create the phenomenon of simply "working for the weekend" which can lead to a cycle of happiness highs and lows. Once we start to experience inner happiness we will then find that we feel more calm, focused, and content.
I should point out that true happiness doe not involve avoiding or covering up negative emotions. On the contrary, face those emotions. Try to become aware when they are present. Once we begin doing this then finally we can start to respond to unexpected events in a more objective way. Instead of responding emotionally, we can start to see the bigger picture.
I encourage everyone to try and find ways to be more compassionate this week.
Have an excellent week.
No new updates for this week.
Quote
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
-Dalai Lama
My Thoughts
From what I have experienced, all people seem to be seeking happiness. We make decisions based on an expected outcome that something will make us happier. Some things we think will provide instant happiness such as: partying, shopping, watching a movie, etc... Other things won't make us happy right away, for example going to get an MBA, but we expect after the hard work is over that we will be more happy because with the MBA will come more opportunities, or so we think.
Recognizing that people are just doing what they think will bring them happiness can help us understand people better. Once we realize this then we will begin to judge people less. Our compassion will grow. This will lead to a greater feeling of inner peace and the beginning of experiencing internal happiness.
In my own life I have found that true happiness is not dependent on external conditions, it comes from within. I am not suggesting that doing an activity that you enjoy will not cause a rise in your happiness, because it can. The challenge is that sometimes when an activity we were enjoying is finished then our happiness level drops. This can create the phenomenon of simply "working for the weekend" which can lead to a cycle of happiness highs and lows. Once we start to experience inner happiness we will then find that we feel more calm, focused, and content.
I should point out that true happiness doe not involve avoiding or covering up negative emotions. On the contrary, face those emotions. Try to become aware when they are present. Once we begin doing this then finally we can start to respond to unexpected events in a more objective way. Instead of responding emotionally, we can start to see the bigger picture.
I encourage everyone to try and find ways to be more compassionate this week.
Have an excellent week.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
True Nature
News
No new updates for this week.
Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I've decided to share this story I found with you.
Story
A Zen student came to Bankei and complained: "Master, I have an ungovernable temper. How can I cure it?"
"You have something very strange," replied Bankei. "Let me see what you have."
"Just now I cannot show it to you" replied the other.
"When can you show it to me?" asked Bankei
"It arises unexpectedly," replied the student.
"Then," concluded Bankei, "it must not be your own true nature. If it were, you could show it to me any time. When you were born, you did not have it, and your parents did not give it to you. Think that over."
No new updates for this week.
Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I've decided to share this story I found with you.
Story
A Zen student came to Bankei and complained: "Master, I have an ungovernable temper. How can I cure it?"
"You have something very strange," replied Bankei. "Let me see what you have."
"Just now I cannot show it to you" replied the other.
"When can you show it to me?" asked Bankei
"It arises unexpectedly," replied the student.
"Then," concluded Bankei, "it must not be your own true nature. If it were, you could show it to me any time. When you were born, you did not have it, and your parents did not give it to you. Think that over."
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