News
No new updates for this week.
Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week. I wanted to share this story with you. I encourage you to spend some time reflecting on it's meaning.
Story
A Fakir claimed that he could teach any illiterate person to read through an “instant technique.”
“OK,” Nasrudin said. “Teach me.”
The Fakir then touched Nasrudin’s head and said, “Now go read something.”
Nasrudin left, and returned to the village square an hour later with an angry look on his face.
“What happened?” asked the villagers. “Can you read now?”
“Indeed I can,” replied Nasrudin, “but that’s not why I came back? Now where is that scoundrel Fakir?”
“Mulla,” the people said, “he taught you to read in no more than a minute. So what makes you think he’s a scoundrel?”
“Well,” Nasrudin explained, “I was just reading a book that asserted, ‘All Fakirs are frauds.’“
Friday, October 26, 2012
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Comparing Yourself to Others
News
No new updates for this week.
Quote
"By your own soul, learn to live
And if men thwart you take no heed.
If men hate you have no care.
Sing your song, dream your dream,
Hope your hope and pray your prayer."
-Pakenham Beatty
My Thoughts
A few weeks ago, I mentioned about asking yourself how bad is your situation when you are feeling down. This is a comparison to someone else who's situation is worse of than you. That method is a great way to start to look at your situation from another perspective.
This week I'd like to talk about two dangers associated with this.
The first is that you use the technique and then start to become vain. Example: How bad is my situation compared to the homeless person I see every day?
Not so bad.
I am better than that homeless person, why is he/she so lazy? etc...
Obviously that is an over simplified example, but it can happen. We need to be cautious of this.
The second one is possibly even more dangerous. This is when we compare the opposite way.
Example: My friends that are the same age as me are all way more successful than me.
I should be more successful.
Why am I not successful?
I feel miserable.
I've noticed a trend over the last two years or so with many coaching clients. Many seem to be doing the second method of comparing quite frequently and the internet seems to have increased this. The main culprit appears to be Facebook.
Facebook is a great way to reconnect with, or stay in contact with, relatives, friends, classmates, etc.. But we must remember that most of what we see on Facebook is the image that that person wants to show off to the world (in many cases).
I know many of you know this already, but it can be difficult to remember when we are feeling down. Generally we are not seeing the real person, it's just what they would like reflected to everyone else.
Then we end up unhappy because we assume that everyone else is happy. The truth is we have no idea what is really going on in their lives. Even the people we are close to, oftentimes we don't really know what's going on in their lives.
I encourage you this week to see how often you make these comparisons. Then start eliminating them. When you find yourself comparing, remind yourself that you don't really know what's going on.
Look at your own life. Ask yourself, "What can I control?", "What can I do", these two questions can lead to some powerful growth when you spend time reflecting on them.
No new updates for this week.
Quote
"By your own soul, learn to live
And if men thwart you take no heed.
If men hate you have no care.
Sing your song, dream your dream,
Hope your hope and pray your prayer."
-Pakenham Beatty
My Thoughts
A few weeks ago, I mentioned about asking yourself how bad is your situation when you are feeling down. This is a comparison to someone else who's situation is worse of than you. That method is a great way to start to look at your situation from another perspective.
This week I'd like to talk about two dangers associated with this.
The first is that you use the technique and then start to become vain. Example: How bad is my situation compared to the homeless person I see every day?
Not so bad.
I am better than that homeless person, why is he/she so lazy? etc...
Obviously that is an over simplified example, but it can happen. We need to be cautious of this.
The second one is possibly even more dangerous. This is when we compare the opposite way.
Example: My friends that are the same age as me are all way more successful than me.
I should be more successful.
Why am I not successful?
I feel miserable.
I've noticed a trend over the last two years or so with many coaching clients. Many seem to be doing the second method of comparing quite frequently and the internet seems to have increased this. The main culprit appears to be Facebook.
Facebook is a great way to reconnect with, or stay in contact with, relatives, friends, classmates, etc.. But we must remember that most of what we see on Facebook is the image that that person wants to show off to the world (in many cases).
I know many of you know this already, but it can be difficult to remember when we are feeling down. Generally we are not seeing the real person, it's just what they would like reflected to everyone else.
Then we end up unhappy because we assume that everyone else is happy. The truth is we have no idea what is really going on in their lives. Even the people we are close to, oftentimes we don't really know what's going on in their lives.
I encourage you this week to see how often you make these comparisons. Then start eliminating them. When you find yourself comparing, remind yourself that you don't really know what's going on.
Look at your own life. Ask yourself, "What can I control?", "What can I do", these two questions can lead to some powerful growth when you spend time reflecting on them.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Saved by a Fish
News
No new updates for this week.
Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I'd like to share a story I read on Paulo Coelho's blog.
I encourage you to spend time reflecting on the meaning of this story.
Story
Nasrudin is walking past a cave when he sees a yogi, deep in meditation, and he asks the yogi what he is searching for. The yogi says:
‘I study the animals and have learned many lessons from them that can transform a man’s life.’
‘A fish once saved my life,’ Nasrudin replies. ‘If you teach me everything you know, I will tell you how it happened.’
The Yogi is astonished; only a holy man could be saved by a fish. And he decides to teach Nasrudin everything he knows.
When he has finished, he says to Nasrudin:
‘Now that I have taught you everything, I would be proud to know how a fish saved your life.’
‘Very simple,’ says Nasrudin, ‘I was almost dying of hunger when I caught it and, thanks to that fish, I had enough food for three days.’
No new updates for this week.
Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I'd like to share a story I read on Paulo Coelho's blog.
I encourage you to spend time reflecting on the meaning of this story.
Story
Nasrudin is walking past a cave when he sees a yogi, deep in meditation, and he asks the yogi what he is searching for. The yogi says:
‘I study the animals and have learned many lessons from them that can transform a man’s life.’
‘A fish once saved my life,’ Nasrudin replies. ‘If you teach me everything you know, I will tell you how it happened.’
The Yogi is astonished; only a holy man could be saved by a fish. And he decides to teach Nasrudin everything he knows.
When he has finished, he says to Nasrudin:
‘Now that I have taught you everything, I would be proud to know how a fish saved your life.’
‘Very simple,’ says Nasrudin, ‘I was almost dying of hunger when I caught it and, thanks to that fish, I had enough food for three days.’
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Remaining Present
News
No new updates for this week.
Quote
"Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence."
–Eckhart Tolle
My Thoughts
I would like to share a piece of my life with you. I considered not sharing this, wondering if it may be too personal, but then I thought perhaps it may help someone dealing with similar struggles so I decided to share it.
Last week I received an email from my Dad. It was an update of things going on in my family's life. The first thing was about my younger brother. He was arrested and sent back to prison again, this time he will probably be there for a long time.
The second thing was about some financial things my Dad and stepmom are dealing with.
The third thing was what shocked me the most. It was regarding my younger stepsister, she is 22 years old. She has mental disabilities due to my older stepsister doing drugs while she was pregnant (my parents adopted my younger stepsister when she was four). Mentally my younger stepsister is around 10-11 years old.
I first met her when she was four and until that point she hadn't uttered a single word. I ended up spending a lot of time with her because my Dad worked long hours and my stepmom was dealing with her own issues.
I've been told that I've always been quite analytical (and sometimes stubborn) so I wondered if it was possible to help her speak somehow (many doctors said she would not be able to talk, at best single words). Through many, many hours of trying (and frustration) she finally started saying single words when she was five. Eventually I taught her other things, like how to tie her shoes and count. Actually, I don't mean to take credit for any of this, I suppose a better way to word it would be that I had some patience and she did all the hard work of learning.
She made rapid progress over the next three years and then I left for the army when she was eight. By that point doctors said that her mental ability was around 4-5 years old. I thought that if people continued to spend extra time with her she would mentally develop semi-normally. Unfortunately people couldn't really spend that extra time with her, I am not blaming anyone we all have our own lives to live and burdens to bear.
So, in the email, it said that my younger stepsister Samantha, had some kind of psychotic break. She was evaluated by psychiatrists and was placed in a mental institution for the rest of her life. It pained me when I read this. Over the last 14 years I haven't really talked with her too much. Besides the occasional visits back home, which probably equal 3-4 months total over the last 14 years, and a phone call once a month, we haven't really talked. I wondered what could I have done better. Pondering that allowed me to realize that I don't think I could have helped too much regarding her mental state even if I had called once a week and only talked with her for an hour, although I certainly could have called more.
This leads me to this week's message:
1. It helps to put things into perspective. Part of the reason I decided to write this is for those of you that are having family problems, perhaps you can look at my situation and think "Is mine really that bad?". If you perceive your situation to be worse, then I encourage you to look at other situations (of course not denying your present situation). For example: At least Samantha is still alive and I am able to talk with her and go visit her.
2. Remaining present. I could worry about the future, or be sad/regretful over the past but where does that really get me? Being present can allow you to make better decisions because you are making them with a clear head.
3. Pondering. Asking something like "What are some things I could have done better (had I known what I now know)?", or "What is another way I could look at the situation?", allows for exploration and possible growth. Pondering things like "should", "why", and "what if (when referencing the past)" can lead to anger, sadness, guilt, regret, etc... and can inhibit growth.
Ex: Why did this happen? I should have known better. They shouldn't have done that. What if I stayed there? What if I had called more? etc...
I encourage everyone to try and look at your difficult situations from a different perspective and be more present this week. For example: Try not checking your phone for some time and just be, just observe what is going on around you without judging any of it.
No new updates for this week.
Quote
"Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence."
–Eckhart Tolle
My Thoughts
I would like to share a piece of my life with you. I considered not sharing this, wondering if it may be too personal, but then I thought perhaps it may help someone dealing with similar struggles so I decided to share it.
Last week I received an email from my Dad. It was an update of things going on in my family's life. The first thing was about my younger brother. He was arrested and sent back to prison again, this time he will probably be there for a long time.
The second thing was about some financial things my Dad and stepmom are dealing with.
The third thing was what shocked me the most. It was regarding my younger stepsister, she is 22 years old. She has mental disabilities due to my older stepsister doing drugs while she was pregnant (my parents adopted my younger stepsister when she was four). Mentally my younger stepsister is around 10-11 years old.
I first met her when she was four and until that point she hadn't uttered a single word. I ended up spending a lot of time with her because my Dad worked long hours and my stepmom was dealing with her own issues.
I've been told that I've always been quite analytical (and sometimes stubborn) so I wondered if it was possible to help her speak somehow (many doctors said she would not be able to talk, at best single words). Through many, many hours of trying (and frustration) she finally started saying single words when she was five. Eventually I taught her other things, like how to tie her shoes and count. Actually, I don't mean to take credit for any of this, I suppose a better way to word it would be that I had some patience and she did all the hard work of learning.
She made rapid progress over the next three years and then I left for the army when she was eight. By that point doctors said that her mental ability was around 4-5 years old. I thought that if people continued to spend extra time with her she would mentally develop semi-normally. Unfortunately people couldn't really spend that extra time with her, I am not blaming anyone we all have our own lives to live and burdens to bear.
So, in the email, it said that my younger stepsister Samantha, had some kind of psychotic break. She was evaluated by psychiatrists and was placed in a mental institution for the rest of her life. It pained me when I read this. Over the last 14 years I haven't really talked with her too much. Besides the occasional visits back home, which probably equal 3-4 months total over the last 14 years, and a phone call once a month, we haven't really talked. I wondered what could I have done better. Pondering that allowed me to realize that I don't think I could have helped too much regarding her mental state even if I had called once a week and only talked with her for an hour, although I certainly could have called more.
This leads me to this week's message:
1. It helps to put things into perspective. Part of the reason I decided to write this is for those of you that are having family problems, perhaps you can look at my situation and think "Is mine really that bad?". If you perceive your situation to be worse, then I encourage you to look at other situations (of course not denying your present situation). For example: At least Samantha is still alive and I am able to talk with her and go visit her.
2. Remaining present. I could worry about the future, or be sad/regretful over the past but where does that really get me? Being present can allow you to make better decisions because you are making them with a clear head.
3. Pondering. Asking something like "What are some things I could have done better (had I known what I now know)?", or "What is another way I could look at the situation?", allows for exploration and possible growth. Pondering things like "should", "why", and "what if (when referencing the past)" can lead to anger, sadness, guilt, regret, etc... and can inhibit growth.
Ex: Why did this happen? I should have known better. They shouldn't have done that. What if I stayed there? What if I had called more? etc...
I encourage everyone to try and look at your difficult situations from a different perspective and be more present this week. For example: Try not checking your phone for some time and just be, just observe what is going on around you without judging any of it.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Reason to Live
News
No new updates for this week.
I will not be able to send a message next week due to my schedule.
Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I wanted to share something I read on Paulo Coelho's blog earlier today.
Relax and Pay Attention
by Paulo Coelho
Sometimes we keep on waiting – with patience, resignation, courage – and still, things around us don’t move. But since this is the path we chose, it seems impossible that life’s blessings are not working in our favor. It provokes, therefore, a deep reflection about what we call “results:” our destiny is manifesting itself in a way we are not able to fully comprehend .
Jorge Luís Borges wrote a masterly short story about this issue.
He describes the birth of a tiger that spends great part of its life in the African wildness but ends up being captured and taken to a zoo in Italy. From then on, the animal thinks his life has lost sense and there is nothing left to do but wait for the day he dies.
One fine day, poet Dante Alighieri passes by this zoo, looks at the tiger, and the animal inspires a verse – in the midst of thousands of verses – of “The Divine Comedy.”
“The entire battle for survival that tiger went through was only so that it could be at the zoo on that morning and inspire an immortal verse,” says Borges.
Just like this tiger, we all have a reason – a very important reason – to be here, at this moment, this morning.
So relax. And pay attention.
No new updates for this week.
I will not be able to send a message next week due to my schedule.
Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I wanted to share something I read on Paulo Coelho's blog earlier today.
Relax and Pay Attention
by Paulo Coelho
Sometimes we keep on waiting – with patience, resignation, courage – and still, things around us don’t move. But since this is the path we chose, it seems impossible that life’s blessings are not working in our favor. It provokes, therefore, a deep reflection about what we call “results:” our destiny is manifesting itself in a way we are not able to fully comprehend .
Jorge Luís Borges wrote a masterly short story about this issue.
He describes the birth of a tiger that spends great part of its life in the African wildness but ends up being captured and taken to a zoo in Italy. From then on, the animal thinks his life has lost sense and there is nothing left to do but wait for the day he dies.
One fine day, poet Dante Alighieri passes by this zoo, looks at the tiger, and the animal inspires a verse – in the midst of thousands of verses – of “The Divine Comedy.”
“The entire battle for survival that tiger went through was only so that it could be at the zoo on that morning and inspire an immortal verse,” says Borges.
Just like this tiger, we all have a reason – a very important reason – to be here, at this moment, this morning.
So relax. And pay attention.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Why We Are Here
News
No new updates for this week.
Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I have decided to share this story with you.
Story
Why We Are Here
by Idries Shah
Walking one evening along a deserted road, Mulla Nasrudin saw a troop of horsemen coming towards him. His imagination started to work; he saw himself captured and sold as a slave, or impressed into the army.
Nasrudin bolted, climbed a wall into a graveyard, and lay down in an open tomb. Puzzled at his strange behaviour, the men - honest travelers - followed him. They found him stretched out, tense and quivering.
"What are you doing in that grave? We saw you run away. Can we help you?"
"Just because you can ask a question does not mean that there is a straightforward answer to it," said the Mulla, who now realized what had happened.
"It all depends on your viewpoint. If you must know, however: I am here because of you, and you are here because of me."
No new updates for this week.
Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I have decided to share this story with you.
Story
Why We Are Here
by Idries Shah
Walking one evening along a deserted road, Mulla Nasrudin saw a troop of horsemen coming towards him. His imagination started to work; he saw himself captured and sold as a slave, or impressed into the army.
Nasrudin bolted, climbed a wall into a graveyard, and lay down in an open tomb. Puzzled at his strange behaviour, the men - honest travelers - followed him. They found him stretched out, tense and quivering.
"What are you doing in that grave? We saw you run away. Can we help you?"
"Just because you can ask a question does not mean that there is a straightforward answer to it," said the Mulla, who now realized what had happened.
"It all depends on your viewpoint. If you must know, however: I am here because of you, and you are here because of me."
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Confronting Reality
News
No new updates for this week.
Quote
“At the center of your being
you have the answer;
you know who you are
and you know what you want.”
-Lao Tzu
My Thoughts
I touched on this topic a few weeks ago. You have the answers to the deep questions of life inside you already. The best way I have found to hear the answers is to follow your intuition and one of the best ways to follow your intuition is to quiet your mind. The method that I happen to use to quiet my mind is through meditation.
With that being said, there is another topic that I'd like to touch on this week. It is a topic that oftentimes comes up during my coaching sessions. It is one that I think has a lot of people that are interested in personal growth confused.
I am talking about ignoring reality.
In order for true, lasting growth to happen we need to be aware of our current situation. We can't ignore it. If we do, it will eventually catch up to us.
You may be thinking, "Yes, that is obvious.". But sometimes people do it without fully realizing they are doing it.
I'll give you an example. A person thinks they should feel happy (or if not happy, at least good) all the time. When they start feeling down, they ignore it by saying that they feel great. Inside they don't really feel great and they end up feeling bad about feeling bad. This then tends to pull the person down further because they think that they "should" be feeling good. The whole idea of using the word "should" is a topic for another message.
The point here is that some people in the personal growth industry are always talking about how you need to use empowering words all the time and never say certain things. I agree that words can have power and meaning. I disagree with the fact that we need to use them all the time.
If you are feeling down or not so great:
1. Admit it. Recognize the situation that you are in.
2. Write out the things you are grateful for.
3. Realize that your situation can get better.
4. Then you can start to look at the words you are using to describe yourself and your situation.
There are several ways to do step 3. To keep this message short, I'll share one of those ways. You can compare yourself to someone (which people usually do anyway, but often they are comparing the things they don't have to someone that is perceived to be better off thus making them feel not good). The method to do this is: Is my situation really that bad...compared to what? For example: Is my situation really that bad compared to the homeless person I see every morning?
Remember that somebody somewhere is wishing or praying for the things that you take for granted.
Have an excellent week!
No new updates for this week.
Quote
“At the center of your being
you have the answer;
you know who you are
and you know what you want.”
-Lao Tzu
My Thoughts
I touched on this topic a few weeks ago. You have the answers to the deep questions of life inside you already. The best way I have found to hear the answers is to follow your intuition and one of the best ways to follow your intuition is to quiet your mind. The method that I happen to use to quiet my mind is through meditation.
With that being said, there is another topic that I'd like to touch on this week. It is a topic that oftentimes comes up during my coaching sessions. It is one that I think has a lot of people that are interested in personal growth confused.
I am talking about ignoring reality.
In order for true, lasting growth to happen we need to be aware of our current situation. We can't ignore it. If we do, it will eventually catch up to us.
You may be thinking, "Yes, that is obvious.". But sometimes people do it without fully realizing they are doing it.
I'll give you an example. A person thinks they should feel happy (or if not happy, at least good) all the time. When they start feeling down, they ignore it by saying that they feel great. Inside they don't really feel great and they end up feeling bad about feeling bad. This then tends to pull the person down further because they think that they "should" be feeling good. The whole idea of using the word "should" is a topic for another message.
The point here is that some people in the personal growth industry are always talking about how you need to use empowering words all the time and never say certain things. I agree that words can have power and meaning. I disagree with the fact that we need to use them all the time.
If you are feeling down or not so great:
1. Admit it. Recognize the situation that you are in.
2. Write out the things you are grateful for.
3. Realize that your situation can get better.
4. Then you can start to look at the words you are using to describe yourself and your situation.
There are several ways to do step 3. To keep this message short, I'll share one of those ways. You can compare yourself to someone (which people usually do anyway, but often they are comparing the things they don't have to someone that is perceived to be better off thus making them feel not good). The method to do this is: Is my situation really that bad...compared to what? For example: Is my situation really that bad compared to the homeless person I see every morning?
Remember that somebody somewhere is wishing or praying for the things that you take for granted.
Have an excellent week!
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