Relationships

News
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Quote
“ We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways - the ways we react and behave when we love someone.
-John Gray

My Thoughts
Assumptions and miscommunication can lead relationships down a dangerous path. One that ultimately leads to failure. This is what I have experienced.

I pondered discussing this, but I am not one to hide things because perhaps my experience can help one of you. 

I am recently divorced. I was in a relationship for eight years (married for five years) before we separated last summer and eventually divorced. I have no harsh feelings about my ex and I wish her the best. What lead to our divorce was assumptions and miscommunication. Even though both of us are certified coaches we still failed to communicate properly.

Relationships take work, we can't just assume that our partners will react and behave the same way that we do. Even though my ex and I knew better we eventually allowed our communication to break down and we assumed that somehow it would work itself out. The problem was that the communication broke down for so long that we weren't able to get it back on track.

Oftentimes men assume that woman will communicate directly, while women assume that men will be able to read into what they are saying. This leads to many arguments. It's the equivalent of speaking a language to someone that doesn't understand the language you are speaking.

I have learned that in order for a relationship to work we need to let go of assumptions. We need to be willing to learn to communicate. We need to learn to give up saying how our partners "should" be acting. Finally we need to stop comparing our partners to others (especially exes). Those are a few things that I have learned and I am sure that I will learn many other lessons as life goes on.

I encourage all of you to look at any of your relationships and ask yourself, "Am I doing my best?", "and What could I do to improve my relationships?". After you answer those questions,  I recommend that you put what you learned into action.

I highly recommend the books "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray, and "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.

Have a wonderful week.