Failing

News
No new updates for this week.

Quote
 “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
-Michael Jordan

My Thoughts
As we get older people tend to think that they shouldn't fail. Failure is looked at as bad. Even taking risks is discouraged. I am not going to get into the reasons why I think this is with this week's message. Perhaps I'll do that at another time.

This week, I just want to remind everyone that failure is a part of life. No one succeeds 100% of the time. No one.

In my own life, I've failed numerous times. In the last few years with my own business I nearly went bankrupt, actually if it wasn't for the support of some loving friends I would have gone bankrupt. I've failed before in other areas as well (weight lifting goals, education goals, etc...).

The point though is that I kept trying. I picked myself up and kept going.

How do I deal with setbacks and failure?

The first thing to look at is do you have a goal? Were you working towards some specific target? If so, then how much progress have you made?

If you've made some progress, if you are even slightly closer to your goal then you've made progress. Congrats. Greatness doesn't happen overnight.

If you've made absolutely no progress towards your goal, then it may be time to reevaluate your goal. What caused you to not make progress? What was your reason for setting the goal in the first place?

These are just some questions to look at.

Finally be careful with wording. You don't actually fail at something until you completely stop pursuing it. Everything else is really just a setback. Do not beat yourself up too much for "failing", it's all part of the learning process.

As 2012 draws to a close, I encourage you to look over the last year. What have you achieved? What would you like to have achieved? What will you do next year?

Books

Hello Everyone,

I hope that you had a great week.

News
No new updates for this week.

Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I wanted to share this story with you.

Story
Once there was a well known philosopher and scholar who devoted himself to the study of Zen for many years. On the day that he finally attained enlightenment, he took all of his books out into the yard, and burned them all.

I encourage you to reflect on the meaning of that story.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Bob

I Have Learned...

News
No new updates for this week.

Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts, I found this and wanted to share it with you.

I Have Learned
by Omer B. Washington

I’ve learned-
that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back.

I’ve learned-
that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I’ve learned-
that it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I’ve learned-
that you should never ruin an apology with an excuse.

I’ve learned-
that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned-
that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do.

I’ve learned-
that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I’ve learned-
that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I’ve learned-
that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I’ve learned-
that you can keep going long after you can’t.

I’ve learned-
that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I’ve learned-
that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I’ve learned-
that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I’ve learned-
that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I’ve learned-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I’ve learned-
that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I’ve learned-
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I’ve learned-
that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I’ve learned-
that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I’ve learned-
that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned-
that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I’ve learned-
that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I’ve learned-
that your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.

I’ve learned-
that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I’ve learned-
that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I’ve learned-
that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.

I’ve learned-
that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned-
that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I’ve learned-
that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I’ve learned-
that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I’ve learned-
that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned-
that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I’ve learned-
that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I’ve learned-
that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings, and standing up for what you believe.

I’ve learned-
that people will forget what you said, and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Cliffhanger

News
No new updates for this week.

Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I wanted to share this story I found with you:

Story

One day while walking through the wilderness a man stumbled upon a vicious tiger. He ran but soon came to the edge of a high cliff. Desperate to save himself, he climbed down a vine and dangled over the fatal precipice.

As he hung there, two mice appeared from a hole in the cliff and began gnawing on the vine.

Suddenly, he noticed on the vine a plump wild strawberry. He plucked it and popped it in his mouth. It was incredibly delicious!

I encourage you to spend some time pondering it's meaning.

Entertaining Thoughts

News
No new updates for this week.

Quote
”It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”
- Aristotle

My Thoughts
I believe this quote contains a lot of wisdom and yet it can be so hard to put into practice. The vast majority of us think what we are doing is correct so it can be very difficult to even consider other options. Not to mention we have all these belief systems, conditioning, emotions, etc... that are deep rooted, so often times are minds are made up without really thinking.

If you spend time examining other peoples' points of view, considering different opinions, then it can allow you to view the world through a more objective lens. Why does that matter? Well it can help you relate to the world better and if you can relate to the world better then gradually you can release judgments. Ultimately this can bring a better quality of life.

I'll share a short story with you which I hope better illustrates my point.

I've lived in Korea for a total of 12 years. During this time I've had to look at my beliefs numerous times. As many of you know I am from the US. Every country has it's own version of history and also what it believes to be the best way... aka the right way.
When I first came to Korea there were many things that confused me and I thought it would be better if they did something in a different way.

What I was doing is taking all of my preconceived notions about what was right or what was wrong, or a good way of doing something vs. a bad way, and placing it on a different culture. Of course that different culture also has their own beliefs.

I went through the typical psychological stages that almost all foreigners living in a country go through. First I was excited  by everything. Then I started to find things I didn't like. Next I started judging people and thinking my ways were better (ex: In the US we do it this way, it would be so much better if Korea did....). After some time I started questioning my own belief systems and eventually I ended up loving Korea. I think it also helps to study the countries history from multiple sources and try and learn the language.

Does that mean I think everything is perfect? No it doesn't. But everything isn't perfect were I am from either.

I've learned to accept that everyone (including countries as a whole) are doing what's best for them, or at least what they perceive to be best. We all have to go through our own growing pains.
To come to this realization I had to start by questioning my own belief systems.

I encourage you this week to try and entertain a different point of view.

Perception

News
No new updates for this week.

Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week. I wanted to share this story with you. I encourage you to spend some time reflecting on it's meaning.

Story
A Fakir claimed that he could teach any illiterate person to read through an “instant technique.”
“OK,” Nasrudin said. “Teach me.”
The Fakir then touched Nasrudin’s head and said, “Now go read something.”
Nasrudin left, and returned to the village square an hour later with an angry look on his face.
“What happened?” asked the villagers. “Can you read now?”
“Indeed I can,” replied Nasrudin, “but that’s not why I came back? Now where is that scoundrel Fakir?”
“Mulla,” the people said, “he taught you to read in no more than a minute. So what makes you think he’s a scoundrel?”
“Well,” Nasrudin explained, “I was just reading a book that asserted, ‘All Fakirs are frauds.’“

Comparing Yourself to Others

News
No new updates for this week.

Quote
"By your own soul, learn to live
And if men thwart you take no heed.
If men hate you have no care.
Sing your song, dream your dream,
Hope your hope and pray your prayer."
-Pakenham Beatty

My Thoughts
A few weeks ago, I mentioned about asking yourself how bad is your situation when you are feeling down. This is a comparison to someone else who's situation is worse of than you. That method is a great way to start to look at your situation from another perspective.

This week I'd like to talk about two dangers associated with this.

The first is that you use the technique and then start to become vain. Example: How bad is my situation compared to the homeless person I see every day?
Not so bad.
I am better than that homeless person, why is he/she so lazy? etc...

Obviously that is an over simplified example, but it can happen. We need to be cautious of this.

The second one is possibly even more dangerous. This is when we compare the opposite way.
Example: My friends that are the same age as me are all way more successful than me.
I should be more successful.
Why am I not successful?
I feel miserable.

I've noticed a trend over the last two years or so with many coaching clients. Many seem to be doing the second method of comparing quite frequently and the internet seems to have increased this. The main culprit appears to be Facebook.

Facebook is a great way to reconnect with, or stay in contact with, relatives, friends, classmates, etc.. But we must remember that most of what we see on Facebook is the image that that person wants to show off to the world (in many cases).

I know many of you know this already, but it can be difficult to remember when we are feeling down. Generally we are not seeing the real person, it's just what they would like reflected to everyone else.

Then we end up unhappy because we assume that everyone else is happy. The truth is we have no idea what is really going on in their lives. Even the people we are close to, oftentimes we don't really know what's going on in their lives.

I encourage you this week to see how often you make these comparisons. Then start eliminating them. When you find yourself comparing, remind yourself that you don't really know what's going on.

Look at your own life. Ask yourself, "What can I control?", "What can I do", these two questions can lead to some powerful growth when you spend time reflecting on them.

Saved by a Fish

News
No new updates for this week.

Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I'd like to share a story I read on Paulo Coelho's blog.
I encourage you to spend time reflecting on the meaning of this story.

Story
Nasrudin is walking past a cave when he sees a yogi, deep in meditation, and he asks the yogi what he is searching for. The yogi says:

‘I study the animals and have learned many lessons from them that can transform a man’s life.’

‘A fish once saved my life,’ Nasrudin replies. ‘If you teach me everything you know, I will tell you how it happened.’

The Yogi is astonished; only a holy man could be saved by a fish. And he decides to teach Nasrudin everything he knows.

When he has finished, he says to Nasrudin:

‘Now that I have taught you everything, I would be proud to know how a fish saved your life.’

‘Very simple,’ says Nasrudin, ‘I was almost dying of hunger when I caught it and, thanks to that fish, I had enough food for three days.’

Remaining Present

News
No new updates for this week.

Quote
"Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence."
 –Eckhart Tolle

My Thoughts
I would like to share a piece of my life with you. I considered not sharing this, wondering if it may be too personal, but then I thought perhaps it may help someone dealing with similar struggles so I decided to share it.

Last week I received an email from my Dad. It was an update of things going on in my family's life. The first thing was about my younger brother. He was arrested and sent back to prison again, this time he will probably be there for a long time.

The second thing was about some financial things my Dad and stepmom are dealing with.

The third thing was what shocked me the most. It was regarding my younger stepsister, she is 22 years old. She has mental disabilities due to my older stepsister doing drugs while she was pregnant (my parents adopted my younger stepsister when she was four). Mentally my younger stepsister is around 10-11 years old.

I first met her when she was four and until that point she hadn't uttered a single word. I ended up spending a lot of time with her because my Dad worked long hours and my stepmom was dealing with her own issues.

I've been told that I've always been quite analytical (and sometimes stubborn) so I wondered if it was possible to help her speak somehow (many doctors said she would not be able to talk, at best single words). Through many, many hours of trying (and frustration) she finally started saying single words when she was five. Eventually I taught her other things, like how to tie her shoes and count. Actually, I don't mean to take credit for any of this, I suppose a better way to word it would be that I had some patience and she did all the hard work of learning.

She made rapid progress over the next three years and then I left for the army when she was eight. By that point doctors said that her mental ability was around 4-5 years old. I thought that if people continued to spend extra time with her she would mentally develop semi-normally. Unfortunately people couldn't really spend that extra time with her, I am not blaming anyone we all have our own lives to live and burdens to bear.

So, in the email, it said that my younger stepsister Samantha, had some kind of psychotic break. She was evaluated by psychiatrists and was placed in a mental institution for the rest of her life. It pained me when I read this. Over the last 14 years I haven't really talked with her too much. Besides the occasional visits back home, which probably equal 3-4 months total over the last 14 years, and a phone call once a month, we haven't really talked. I wondered what could I have done better. Pondering that allowed me to realize that I don't think I could have helped too much regarding her mental state even if I had called once a week and only talked with her for an hour, although I certainly could have called more.

This leads me to this week's message:
1. It helps to put things into perspective. Part of the reason I decided to write this is for those of you that are having family problems, perhaps you can look at my situation and think "Is mine really that bad?". If you perceive your situation to be worse, then I encourage you to look at other situations (of course not denying your present situation). For example: At least Samantha is still alive and I am able to talk with her and go visit her.

2. Remaining present. I could worry about the future, or be sad/regretful over the past but where does that really get me? Being present can allow you to make better decisions because you are making them with a clear head.

3. Pondering. Asking something like "What are some things I could have done better (had I known what I now know)?", or "What is another way I could look at the situation?", allows for exploration and possible growth. Pondering things like "should", "why", and "what if (when referencing the past)" can lead to anger, sadness, guilt, regret, etc... and can inhibit growth.
Ex: Why did this happen? I should have known better. They shouldn't have done that. What if I stayed there? What if I had called more? etc...

I encourage everyone to try and look at your difficult situations from a different perspective and be more present this week. For example: Try not checking your phone for some time and just be, just observe what is going on around you without judging any of it.

Reason to Live

News
No new updates for this week.

I will not be able to send a message next week due to my schedule.

Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I wanted to share something I read on Paulo Coelho's blog earlier today.

Relax and Pay Attention
by Paulo Coelho

Sometimes we keep on waiting – with patience, resignation, courage – and still, things around us don’t move. But since this is the path we chose, it seems impossible that life’s blessings are not working in our favor. It provokes, therefore, a deep reflection about what we call “results:” our destiny is manifesting itself in a way we are not able to fully comprehend .


Jorge Luís Borges wrote a masterly short story about this issue.

He describes the birth of a tiger that spends great part of its life in the African wildness but ends up being captured and taken to a zoo in Italy. From then on, the animal thinks his life has lost sense and there is nothing left to do but wait for the day he dies.

One fine day, poet Dante Alighieri passes by this zoo, looks at the tiger, and the animal inspires a verse – in the midst of thousands of verses – of “The Divine Comedy.”

“The entire battle for survival that tiger went through was only so that it could be at the zoo on that morning and inspire an immortal verse,” says Borges.

Just like this tiger, we all have a reason – a very important reason – to be here, at this moment, this morning.
So relax. And pay attention.

Why We Are Here

News
No new updates for this week.

Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I have decided to share this story with you.

Story
Why We Are Here

by Idries Shah

Walking one evening along a deserted road, Mulla Nasrudin saw a troop of horsemen coming towards him. His imagination started to work; he saw himself captured and sold as a slave, or impressed into the army.

Nasrudin bolted, climbed a wall into a graveyard, and lay down in an open tomb. Puzzled at his strange behaviour, the men - honest travelers - followed him. They found him stretched out, tense and quivering.

"What are you doing in that grave? We saw you run away. Can we help you?"

"Just because you can ask a question does not mean that there is a straightforward answer to it," said the Mulla, who now realized what had happened.

"It all depends on your viewpoint. If you must know, however: I am here because of you, and you are here because of me."

Confronting Reality

News
No new updates for this week.

Quote
“At the center of your being
you have the answer;
you know who you are
and you know what you want.”
-Lao Tzu

My Thoughts
I touched on this topic a few weeks ago. You have the answers to the deep questions of life inside you already. The best way I have found to hear the answers is to follow your intuition and one of the best ways to follow your intuition is to quiet your mind. The method that I happen to use to quiet my mind is through meditation.

With that being said, there is another topic that I'd like to touch on this week. It is a topic that oftentimes comes up during my coaching sessions. It is one that I think has a lot of people that are interested in personal growth confused.
I am talking about ignoring reality.

In order for true, lasting growth to happen we need to be aware of our current situation. We can't ignore it. If we do, it will eventually catch up to us.

You may be thinking, "Yes, that is obvious.". But sometimes people do it without fully realizing they are doing it.
I'll give you an example. A person thinks they should feel happy (or if not happy, at least good) all the time. When they start feeling down, they ignore it by saying that they feel great. Inside they don't really feel great and they end up feeling bad about feeling bad. This then tends to pull the person down further because they think that they "should" be feeling good. The whole idea of using the word "should" is a topic for another message.

The point here is that some people in the personal growth industry are always talking about how you need to use empowering words all the time and never say certain things. I agree that words can have power and meaning. I disagree with the fact that we need to use them all the time.

If you are feeling down or not so great:
1. Admit it. Recognize the situation that you are in.
2. Write out the things you are grateful for.
3. Realize that your situation can get better.
4. Then you can start to look at the words you are using to describe yourself and your situation.

There are several ways to do step 3. To keep this message short, I'll share one of those ways. You can compare yourself to someone  (which people usually do anyway, but often they are comparing the things they don't have to someone that is perceived to be better off thus making them feel not good). The method to do this is: Is my situation really that bad...compared to what? For example: Is my situation really that bad compared to the homeless person I see every morning?

Remember that somebody somewhere is wishing or praying for the things that you take for granted.

Have an excellent week!

Failure & Success

News
No new updates for this week.

Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I wanted to share this article with you:

26 Successful People Who Failed at First:
http://www.businessinsider.com/26-successful-people-who-failed-at-first-2012-7?op=1

Introspection

News
No new updates for this week.

Quote
"No one can give you better advice than yourself."
-Cicero

My Thoughts
What should I do with my life? Should I break up with him/her? Should I date him/her? Should I quit my job? Should I move to a different place? And this list could go on and on.

These are the types of questions I hear in coaching quite often. My answer is always the same.
I don't know. As a coach it is not my role to tell you what I think you should do with your life. You probably have enough people giving you advice already. One huge step to growth is making your own decisions and then taking responsibility for them. The answers you seek are within. You need to be willing to explore yourself to find these answers and then take action on them.

Incidentally, this is why CEOs and senior executives (most of them anyway) get paid a lot more than the average employee. It's for the decisions they have to make on a daily basis. One client I worked with was a senior executive in a large conglomerate. He informed me that almost everyday he had to make decisions that could cost his company millions of dollars and affect the lives of 100's of employees, and he had to make those decisions quickly.

People often ask how did I end up leaving such a great job a few years ago. Wasn't the decision hard to make? If I hadn't had training as a coach I think it would have been more difficult. I set a deadline for two weeks after I first heard about this opportunity. I told myself on that day I would definitely give a yes or no answer. I ended up making the decision three days later.
Then I didn't change my mind.

As a coach, I ask questions. Questions that many people could ask themselves but either they never set the time aside to ask themselves and/or they don't know exactly what to ask. Sometimes they may not want to face the answers that come up. As a coach, I also hold people accountable for the actions they say they will take.

I encourage you to set some time aside for introspection. I recommend at least one hour per week. Ideally that one hour would be continuous, uninterrupted time. Write down whatever answers come to you.

Here are just a few questions I recommend in no particular order:
- What are different ways in which you could approach this issue?
- What is it that you want to achieve?
- Where do you see yourself a year from now?
- What obstacles are holding you back at the moment?
- What action can you take on this matter?

Liberation Day

Hello Everyone,

Happy Liberation Day Korea!

I hope that your week is going well.

News
No new updates for this week.

Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I wanted to share a poem with you written by a very famous Korean poet:

SELF PORTRAIT
by Yun, Dong-ju

Coming round the mountain, I go up alone to 
the solitary well at the edge of the rice field 
and peer in, quietly.

Inside the well, the moon is bright, the clouds flow by, 
the sky spreads out, and a light blue wind blows; 
autumn is there.

And a man is there. 
I turn away because I hate the man, somehow.

Pondering over him as I set out to leave, I feel sorry for him 
and go back and look in: he is still there.

Again I turn away hating the fellow. 
I think of him, again setting out, and begin to miss him.

Inside the well, the moon is bright, the clouds flow by, 
the sky spreads out, a light blue wind blows; 
autumn is there, and a man, like a memory.

Have an incredible week!

Bob

What Are You Grateful For?

News
I received a few questions regarding the time slots for the coaching. So I'll clear it up here in case others are wondering.

The available time slots:
Location: Haebongcheon/Itaewon
Tuesday/Thursday: 7:00 - 10:00am
Sunday: 4:00 - 7:00pm

Coaching sessions generally last an hour so you can chose any one hour block in those time periods. For example, Sunday 5-6pm.

The 20% discount will run until Sunday.

If you have questions, or would like to set up a free 30 minute consultation please feel free to email me: bob@oneamazinglife.com

Quote
"We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures."
Thornton Wilder

My Thoughts
Taking time to be grateful for what you have is very important so I wanted to thank all of you this week.

A little over three years ago, I left a job which provided me a very high income, great benefits, and stability. Most people thought I was crazy at the time, perhaps they still do :)
But I had found something that made me come alive. That thing I found was coaching.

In 2008, I read a book that completely altered the course of my life. That book was "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill. It eventually lead me to Bob Proctor and into an intensive two year course to become a certified coach. Since that time my life has changed dramatically, and there were times where I felt like giving up. But in those down moments I remembered why I chose this path. It was the fact that I absolutely love helping people realize their potential.

All of you have greatness inside you waiting to be unleashed.

I am grateful for all of you that have attended my meetups, workshops, coaching, training, etc... I am grateful for those of you that read these messages every week. I am also grateful for the naysayers that push me to be my best.

Without all of you it would be impossible to pursue what I love. Thank you for allowing me to live my dream.

I encourage you to spend time each day reflecting on what you are grateful for.

Have a beautiful week.

Change

Hello Everyone,

I hope that your week is off to a wonderful start.

News
I've received some emails in recent weeks inquiring about coaching. My schedule is fairly busy Monday - Saturday with corporate clients however, I've decided to set aside some time slots so individuals that would like coaching can have the opportunity to do so.

Also, because of the times that I am available I've decided to offer a discount for those that choose to do it.

I am only able to open three time slots so that means only three people will have the opportunity to have coaching sessions.

Coaching sessions generally last one hour.

The available time slots:
Location: Haebongcheon/Itaewon
Tuesday/Thursday: 7:00 - 10:00am
Sunday: 4:00 - 7:00pm

Those are the earliest and latest starting times for the sessions.

Normally for corporate coaching my rates start at 250,000 won per hour, however I want to make it more affordable for individuals. So my regular coaching fee is 100,000 won per hour, however I've decided to offer an even bigger discount for the time slots listed above.

If you choose to pursue coaching at those times, the fee will only be 80,000 won per hour.

The discount will run until August 8th.

I offer a free 30 minute consultation so if you would like to see what coaching is all about please feel free to set up an appointment.

Once again there are only three spots available.

For questions, please email me: bob@oneamazinglife.com

Quote
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
-Maria Robinson

My Thoughts
No thoughts from me this week, instead I encourage you to reflect on this quote. See which areas you would like to change and then take action on changing them.

Attaching Meaning to Events

News
No new updates for this week.

Quote
"Clear mind is like the full moon in the sky. Sometimes clouds come and cover it, but the moon is always behind them. Clouds go away, then the moon shines brightly. So don't worry about clear mind: it is always there. When thinking comes, behind it is clear mind. When thinking goes, there is only clear mind. Thinking comes and goes, comes and goes, You must not be attached to the coming or the going."
-Seung Sahn

My Thoughts
An event happens and instead of observing the event as something that just is, we assign meaning to it. If the event is something we perceive as beneficial to us then the event is "good". If the event is not beneficial to us, we label the event as "bad". So we assign these meanings to events and then the meanings we assign stir up all sorts of thoughts and emotions.

Over the last few years, I have learned not to attach too much meaning to events. Of course I am far from perfect, I still can get caught up labeling things that people do or say as good or bad. However, I have made a lot of progress.

I was an intelligence analyst for eleven years, so I was very used to asking why and then doing massive amounts of research into a subject. This was helpful to a point and allowed me to learn many things, but as far as relationships and attachments go asking why can be like a trap especially when you add in assumptions.

I'll give an you an example. Let's suppose that you are in a relationship. One person in the relationship does something that the other person doesn't like. The offended person will often ask why, and then assume they know the answer. This will then create a circle that can fuel anger. Finally when you decide to talk to your partner about whatever it was that offended you, you will most likely come across as accusatory. This will then lead to an argument. Perhaps you make up, or maybe you break up, but whatever assumptions you came up with to the why question will continue to cause arguments in your relationship, or follow you into future relationships.

All of this comes from attaching meaning to an event that just is. None of us can remain truly objective in a situation (unless we are able to observe it as just is), we will drag all of our past conditioning, beliefs, etc... into the situation. Then we declare it as good or bad. Some things we tend to believe in so strongly we aren't even able to consider another's point of view. We will label them as ignorant, stupid, misinformed, etc...

I think part of growth is opening your mind to other people's point of view. I am not saying you immediately start accepting everything that comes your way, but at least make an effort to look at it from different angles.

I encourage you to look at some of your most strongly held views, especially those that judge groups of people, and explore them. Where did those views come from? Do these views benefit humanity as a whole? Once you've identified some of these views, I recommend that you explore the view from other angles.

Have an excellent week.

Revenge

News
No new updates for this week.

Quote
"Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."
-Confucius

My Thoughts
Revenge, hatred, anger, jealousy, etc... These emotions will ultimately cause us more harm than the person they are directed at. From what I have experienced these emotions tend to rise up within us when our ego is hurt. I would say it's natural to experience these these feelings on occasion. I would not recommend that you try to bury them or hide them, instead acknowledge that they exist. The challenge lies in not adding fuel to the fire.

I'd like to share a story about revenge and it's dangers with you.

As many of you know, I grew up in Philadelphia. Gang violence was very common where I lived.

I'd like to take you back to when I was 16 years old. I had been out skateboarding with a few friends but it was starting to get late so we all headed our separate ways. My friend's younger brother, Brian,  was out with us, so we walked home together. He was around 12 years old at the time.

We were walking down this dark street on a humid summer night. There were no other people on the street except for me and Brian. The area we were walking through was a known gang area so people tended to stay off the streets after dark, but we had no choice but to go home this way.

Then, up in the distance, I could see two guys coming towards us on the opposite side of the street. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. I could sense something wasn't right, but I didn't know what to do. Brian and I continued walking.

As the two strangers got closer my heart rate increased. I figured it was just paranoia.

Now they were directly across the street from us. I couldn't tell for sure but they appeared to be older. One of them shouted, "Hey, do you have a dollar we can borrow?". It was at this point that I realized something bad was about to happen. I replied "No, I don't."

They continued walking away from us, but I knew they weren't finished. It was then that I heard footsteps approaching quickly from behind us. I turned to Brian and told him to run home, and I'll try to distract them. Brian told me he wasn't going anywhere. Very brave, but very foolish.

In a matter of seconds they were on us. The first guy swung at me with a baseball bat and hit my backpack. Luckily for us he lost his grip on the bat and it went flying off into the darkness.
I then turned around and was punched in the face. Now I got my first look at these two close up. I would guess they were 18-20 years old, and they were bigger than the Brian and I.

I was defending some punches but Brian wasn't doing so well. The one guy must have punched him in the face 20-30 times. I still clearly remember the sound of those punches. Brian was on his knees and the guy was holding him up by his hair and just continued beating his face in. Finally he let Brian go, and Brian just fell forward on his face. Honestly, I wasn't sure he was still alive.

What this meant for me, was now I had two attackers to deal with and I had to act quickly because I was quite sure if Brian was still alive he would be in serious need of medical attention.

So the guy that was pummeling Brian came up behind me. I now had one guy in front and one behind, definitely not the best situation for handling multiple attackers. At that moment, I grabbed my skateboard and swung it as hard as I could at the guy behind me. I missed his jaw by mere centimeters. But he fell backwards to the ground in surprise. I lunged forward with the board over my head, with every intention of hitting him as hard as possible over the head.

It was at this point that I felt a poke at my side. I looked down and there was a knife. The other guy was holding a knife to me, just below my ribcage.

He said to me "Stop fucking around, and give us your wallet or I will kill you.". I told him to take it easy and gave him my wallet. The other guy got up off the ground and walked over to me. I had been in fights before this, I had been robbed before this, but this was the first time that I had a knife pulled on me. I was quite scared.

They proceeded to talk about what to do with me. They said they should make an example out of me by killing me. They joked about it, how easy it would be to kill me right there. I thought my heart was going to pound right out of my chest. It seemed like time stood still.

Eventually, the one guy punched me in the face and off they went into the night laughing.

Immediately, I went over to Brian. He was still face down but breathing. His face was completely covered in blood. He ended up going to the hospital and had a broken nose, fractured cheekbones, and some other injures that I can't recall.

To make this long story short, those two guys were part of a team of three (or more) that would go around robbing people. The other guy would be wait in a car nearby. Evidently in the car he had other weapons just in case.

Eventually, a few friends of mine went and beat those guys up very badly. This, along with some other events, lead to a massive fight in which numerous people were hospitalized, and some went to jail.

What's the point of this whole story?

1. Revenge will just lead to more violence. It's a cycle and the more revenge you take the more it will continue. I believe the solution is love, but more on that in a future message.
2. Trust your intuition. When I sensed something was wrong maybe I could have done something about it. Since that experience I have learned to listen to my intuition and it has continually lead me down the right path. This does not mean that the right path has been free of challenges and setbacks, but it has continually allowed me to grow.

I encourage you to look into your heart this week and see which negative emotions you are harboring. Do your best to release those feelings by asking yourself what is the loving thing to do.

Have an outstanding week.

Potential

News
No new updates for this week.

Quote
"Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I'll give you a man who will make history. Give me a man with no goals and I'll give you a stock clerk."
~ J.C. Penney

My Thoughts
It doesn't matter where we are at right now, all of us have the potential to do whatever it is we desire.

My own life has lead me down many paths, but I suppose since I was 17 I've always had some sort of focus to what I was doing.

I'll share a story.
People often ask me why I joined the Army. Some people think that I had no other option(s) and/or that I must not be intelligent (I won't even get into who decides what is intelligence).

I went to Catholic school growing up. They had a track system for determining where they think people should go based on your grades. They had four tracks. I was a track 1 & 2 student. This meant that I was supposed to go to college. As a matter of fact around 95% or more of the students in my track went on to college immediately after high school. In case you are wondering most track 3 students were still expected to go to college and track 4 were supposed to go learn a trade.

As for me, I always questioned the idea of jumping immediately into college after high school. Something about it seemed odd to me. But that is the path I was headed down. I took the SAT, did okay, and received a partial academic scholarship to Temple University in Philadelphia. I planned on getting a degree in Criminal Justice. 

So what happened? Why didn't I go to Temple?

Well around this time (I was 17), my Dad sat me down and gave me three options for my future living arrangements. He said:
1. Work full time and pay us rent.
2. Go to college and pay us lower rent.
3. Move out.

This was possibly one of the greatest things my Dad ever did for me. Why? Because it taught me to make decisions on my own.

A few weeks later, my Dad suggested to me that I look into joining the military. I laughed at the idea. Me? I was anti-authority, I had a mohawk in the summer, sometimes that mohawk was dyed different colors, etc...Not exactly the image of a soldier.

One day I decided that I would go talk with a recruiter and he set me up to take the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery (ASVAB) test. This test determines what jobs you can do in the military. I went to the testing center more out of curiosity than anything. I took the test and much to the test administrator's surprise (and mine as well), I finished it faster than everyone else and got the highest score in Philadelphia up until that point in the year. This meant I qualified for any job that the Army offered.

This now caused me to think. Should I join the military and use the skills that I would learn to help me out in the future? Or should I continue down the relatively comfortable path I was on?

I spent a short time thinking about it and decided to join the army. Many teachers and guidance counselors at my school were horrified, they told me that I was making the worst decision of my life. I disagreed.
I joined the Army and spent five years working as an intelligence analyst. Because I scored so high on one section of the ASVAB I spent half the time working in strategic intelligence. The other half was spent in operational and tactical intelligence.

Once I started working in strategic intelligence I knew that after I got out of the Army I wanted to work more in that field. That is what I did. I got out of the military in August 2003 and in November 2003 I was picked up by a defense contractor and spent six years doing intelligence analysis and collection work . I ended up more than quintupling my military salary in less than four years. In 2009 I left defense contracting to pursue a dream and started my business.

Were there ups and downs, or times I wanted to quit the military? Of course...although you can't quit the military :)

The point here is that sometimes, or oftentimes, you have to do what's uncomfortable in order to get where you want to be. If you have a goal you will be able to tolerate those uncomfortable situations better.

If you do not have any goals I encourage you to spend time this week thinking of what you would like your life to look like. Write down your thoughts and then choose a few and put a timeline to them. Then start taking action.

Have an amazing week.

The Greatest Gift

News
Another great coach I know, Joshua Davies, is holding a persuasive presentation course July 17th in Seoul.

I personally know that he is an excellent trainer and presenter.

If you are looking at increasing your presentation skills, I highly recommend you attend.

The see the brochure and register, please click the link below:
http://power.laminstitute.net/

Quote
"Make a gift of your life and lift all mankind by being kind, considerate, forgiving, and compassionate at all times, in all places, and under all conditions, with everyone as well as yourself. This is the greatest gift anyone can give."
-David Hawkins

My Thoughts
Instead of sharing my thoughts this week, I encourage you to reflect upon this quote and look at ways to put it into practice.

Have an incredible week.

Korean War

News
No new updates for this week.

Since June 25th was the 62nd anniversary of the Korean War, I'd like to share a short story so that people will remember. I encourage you to reflect upon this story this week. What lessons can we learn from this?


"SUFFER THE LITTLE CHILDREN TO COME UNTO ME"
Richard W. Cooper was born on December 22, 1929 on the Hawk farm in Pennsylvania. He enlisted in the Army Air Corps December 28, 1946. In October of 1950, he arrived in Korea, where he served with the 5th Air Force. He was wounded in January of 1951, and nursed back to health on a hospital ship in Pusan. He should have gone home, but asked to remain with his outfit. He returned to the United States in April of 1952. During the rest of his service, he was with Strategic Air Command.


On March 1, 1955, he got married in Denver, Colorado. He and his wife settled in Denver, where he started his own business, Mr. "C" Audio/Visual Service Co. He was in business for 30 years, at which time he sold the business, and he and his wife retired to Grand Junction, Colorado in 1996.


Dear Lynnita,
I have considered telling you this every time I visit your website. If I have the courage to do it is in doubt, but I must try. This is the first time I have spoken of this. It hurts - has hurt for fifty years. But if that is God's will, so be it. Here I go....


The following event took place in a field just outside the defense perimeter of our Ammunition Dump, located in the side of a mountain on the Japan Sea coast, about one hundred miles north of Pusan. About 3:00 in the afternoon of a freezing cold December day (27th), I was on guard duty on the west perimeter of our Ammo Dump. I spotted a small Korean walking in the direction of the Dump from about 1/4 mile out in a paddy.


It was not unusual for Korean children to come up to the guards and ask for food or candy. I always carried whatever candy my Mother sent me for the children, because they touched my heart so. But, this time was different in two ways. We had just gotten word a couple days earlier of a small Korean child being used as a human bomb, walking into an outfit north of us, and being blown up through the use of a "rip" cord controlled by North Koreans hidden some yards away. This thought still fresh in my mind, not the fear it could happen to me, but the thought of the horrible act, served to alert me that the North Koreans would stoop much lower than I had imagined.


For some reason, the hair on the back of my neck stood out as I watched this little Korean child walking toward me. I tried to tell myself that I was making something out of nothing-that this was an innocent child coming for candy. But, I also kept thinking that I am not on that guard site to hand out candy, but to protect our precious stockpile of ammo, and my buddies depended on me for that and their own safety.


My mind started screaming wildly-"What to do? What to do?" I did learn to say, "stop, go back", in Korean (it has left me now), and I started shouting that to the child. It was as if the child was deaf and just kept coming. My mind told me that I must consider this little child a danger to our ammo dump and my buddies, and, if I must, shoot to stop this child. But how could I do that? I love children. I can't hurt them.


Then came the time as my shouting was having no effect and the child was getting close. I tried to get the attention of one of my buddies for help, but activity in the dump was making lots of noise. It dawned on me that I was on my own: make a mistake and kill an innocent child and no one would ever understand. I would be labeled a child killer. Or, do nothing and find out the hard way that the child was wired with explosives. I fired two rounds into the field to both sides of the child, still yelling, "stop, go back." I thought about walking out to meet the little child, knowing that I would be asking for trouble if there were explosives involved, but it was a way to avoid shooting a child.

Just as I was thinking about that, my sergeant came by and saw what was taking place. He told me that I had to shoot before it was too late. I told him I couldn't. I knew that was wrong because if I disobeyed him, I would be up for court martial. All that aside, it was my duty to defend my post, and one way or another, I knew down deep I was going to do just that.


We decided I would try for a leg shot to stop her. We had no idea where the explosives would be if there were any, but we figured not on the legs since the child had to walk some distance before an explosion would be effective. My sergeant and I spent what seemed like hours working on a solution, but actually it was only about five minutes. The child was about a hundred yards away, and to avoid dangerous percussion waves from doing damage to our ammo, we had to act now.


Lynnita, the last time I tried to write about this, I ended up vomiting for fifteen minutes. After fifty years, I am feeling sick in my stomach. My belt feels too tight. I've got to loosen it. I am going to jump through this fast....


I shot that child in the leg. There was a scream, the little child rolled on the ground for a second, and then exploded. As I am now, I cried and cried. I got sick all over myself, wet my pants, and just kept screaming, "You bastards!" I threw my rifle down and ran out into the field. I heard two gunshots in the distance and hit the ground. After a while, a jeep went past me like hell to the spot where the little child was. My sergeant came and got me, and we went back to camp. One of my buddies gave me a half bottle of Seagram's.  I finished it and started vomiting again.


For the next few days, I was questioned, comforted, given time off. I was then, and still am, hurt to the core. I don't ever see how I will forget. It just seems that I am torturing myself with this always in my mind. I am convinced that I must bear this burden in the memory of that little child. I never found out if the child was a boy or a girl.


How do I ask others to honor this child when I know nothing of the child except of the horrible death the child suffered at my hand. If God hears my prayers, I know this child is in a better place. I have prayed hundreds of prayers for salvation for a nameless, unknown child who lost life in a paddy one cold December day in Korea. I have asked God for forgiveness for my horrible deed, but I put myself in His place, and I decide that I don't deserve forgiveness. Understanding-maybe. But I can see I will carry this hurt forever. I don't ask others to walk in my shoes just to understand why it is so hard for me to walk in them. I don't think that's asking too much, considering what most of us vets have seen and done.
- Richard W. Cooper


Bob

Communicating Your Feelings

News
No new updates for this week.

Quote
“ If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting? "
-Stephen Levine

My Thoughts
Sometimes we think we have all the time in the world to tell someone how we feel, and/or we assume that the other person knows how we feel. Those of you that have ever lost a loved one probably wish you could have talked with them one last time.

As many of you know I lost my Mom to cancer when I was 13. She was a role model for me in my early years. My Dad has been a big role model throughout my life. He is the one that taught me the values of persistence, not making excuses,and taking risks. Oddly, I never told him that until last year. After telling him this he became emotional and then told me he never realized the positive impact he had on my life. I had always assumed that he knew. I suppose it goes back to last week's message about not assuming.

I encourage all of us this week to let someone know how much we appreciate them.

Have an outstanding week.

Relationships

News
No new updates for this week.

Quote
“ We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways - the ways we react and behave when we love someone.
-John Gray

My Thoughts
Assumptions and miscommunication can lead relationships down a dangerous path. One that ultimately leads to failure. This is what I have experienced.

I pondered discussing this, but I am not one to hide things because perhaps my experience can help one of you. 

I am recently divorced. I was in a relationship for eight years (married for five years) before we separated last summer and eventually divorced. I have no harsh feelings about my ex and I wish her the best. What lead to our divorce was assumptions and miscommunication. Even though both of us are certified coaches we still failed to communicate properly.

Relationships take work, we can't just assume that our partners will react and behave the same way that we do. Even though my ex and I knew better we eventually allowed our communication to break down and we assumed that somehow it would work itself out. The problem was that the communication broke down for so long that we weren't able to get it back on track.

Oftentimes men assume that woman will communicate directly, while women assume that men will be able to read into what they are saying. This leads to many arguments. It's the equivalent of speaking a language to someone that doesn't understand the language you are speaking.

I have learned that in order for a relationship to work we need to let go of assumptions. We need to be willing to learn to communicate. We need to learn to give up saying how our partners "should" be acting. Finally we need to stop comparing our partners to others (especially exes). Those are a few things that I have learned and I am sure that I will learn many other lessons as life goes on.

I encourage all of you to look at any of your relationships and ask yourself, "Am I doing my best?", "and What could I do to improve my relationships?". After you answer those questions,  I recommend that you put what you learned into action.

I highly recommend the books "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray, and "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.

Have a wonderful week.

Love

News
No new updates for this week

Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I found a story that I wanted to share with you.

Story
by Massud Farzan

A lover knocked at the door of his beloved.

"Who is it?" she replied.

The lover replied, "It is I."

"Go away. This house will not hold you and I."

The rejected lover retreated into the wilderness. For a long time he prayed and meditated on the beloved's words. Finally he returned and knocked at the door again.

"Who is it?" she said again.

The lover replied, "It is you."

Immediately, the door opened.

Have an awesome week!

Just Talk

News
No new updates for this week.

Instead of sharing my thoughts this week, I'd like to just share a quote. I encourage all of us to ponder this quote and see how we can implement it into our lives.

Quote
“However many holy words you read,However many you speak,What good will they do you If you do not act on upon them?”
-Buddha

Have an incredible week.

Priorities

News
No new updates for this week.

Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I've decided to share two stories I found on Paulo Coelho's blog.

Stories
The umbrella

As tradition dictates, upon entering his Zen master’s house, the disciple left his shoes and umbrella outside.
“I saw through the window that you were arriving,” said the master. “Did you leave your shoes to the right or the left of the umbrella?”
“I haven’t the least idea. But what does that matter? I was thinking of the secret of Zen!”
“If you don’t pay attention in life, you will never learn anything. Communicate with life, pay each moment the attention it deserves – that is the only secret of Zen.”

Why leave man to the sixth day

A group of wise men gathered to discuss the work of God; they wanted to know why he had left it to the sixth day to create man.
“He thought about first organizing the Universe well, so that we could have all the marvels available to us,” said one of them.
“First of all He wanted to run some tests on animals, so that He would not make the same mistakes with us,” argued another.
One wise Jew showed up at the meeting. They told him the theme of the discussion: “in your opinion, why did God leave it to the last day to create man?”
“Very simple,” commented the wise man. “So that when we were moved by pride, we would remember that even a simple mosquito enjoyed priority in the work of the Divine.”

Have an amazing week.

Kindness

News
No new updates for this week.

Quote
"If you find yourself in a confrontation of any kind with anyone, be it a family member or a stranger, before reacting ask yourself, "Is what I am about to say motivated by my need to be right, or my desire to be kind?" Then pick a response that stems from kindness, regardless of how your ego objects."
-Wayne Dyer

My Thoughts
I believe this is such great advice, although it can be quite challenging to practice it in our daily lives. I think to really change the world we need to become more loving. And not just loving when it's convenient, but loving at all times. I realize this is no easy task but I think it can help make life incredibly fulfilling.

From what I have experienced and observed, the ego tends to push us away from love. It desires to be right, it seeks to get what it wants. The ego is essentially me and my, whereas love is us and our. If we start to feed the ego we start to notice narcissistic tendencies (ex: I did this; look at me, I am so...). If we continue feeding it, then it can lead to anger and of course if we continue going down that path it can eventually lead to extremes such as murder, rape, etc...

I think to counteract the ego we need to choose love above all else. I think the first step is loving yourself. Try not to constantly beat yourself up for past mistakes or regrets. Then try starting off small. I recommend trying it with someone you love. Perhaps when the person you love does something that irritates you, instead of judging them (whether you say it or not), try and understand them. Try to look at it from their point of view. If you make a continuous effort to do this, you will find yourself judging those you love less and less. Then you can make an effort to do this to strangers. Another technique with strangers is to imagine the person that you are judging as one of your family members (one that you love of course :)

This can also help in communicating better to those that you love. I am sure you may have experienced the end of a relationship because you didn't want to take the initiative to communicate after an argument because you were "right" and/or you didn't want to say sorry because you didn't do anything "wrong". Once you start trying to look at the situation from that person's point of view you will be more likely to start communicating with them first.

I encourage all of us this week to heed Wayne Dyer's advice.

Have a beautiful week.

Compassion

News
No new updates for this week.

Quote
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
-Dalai Lama

My Thoughts
From what I have experienced, all people seem to be seeking happiness. We make decisions based on an expected outcome that something will make us happier. Some things we think will provide instant happiness such as: partying, shopping, watching a movie, etc... Other things won't make us happy right away, for example going to get an MBA, but we expect after the hard work is over that we will be more happy because with the MBA will come more opportunities, or so we think.

Recognizing that people are just doing what they think will bring them happiness can help us understand people better. Once we realize this then we will begin to judge people less. Our compassion will grow. This will lead to a greater feeling of inner peace and the beginning of experiencing internal happiness.

In my own life I have found that true happiness is not dependent on external conditions, it comes from within. I am not suggesting that doing an activity that you enjoy will not cause a rise in your happiness, because it can. The challenge is that sometimes when an activity we were enjoying is finished then our happiness level drops. This can create the phenomenon of simply "working for the weekend" which can lead to a cycle of happiness highs and lows. Once we start to experience inner happiness we will then find that we feel more calm, focused, and content.

I should point out that true happiness doe not involve avoiding or covering up negative emotions. On the contrary, face those emotions. Try to become aware when they are present. Once we begin doing this then finally we can start to respond to unexpected events in a more objective way. Instead of responding emotionally, we can start to see the bigger picture.

I encourage everyone to try and find ways to be more compassionate this week.

Have an excellent week.

True Nature

News
No new updates for this week.

Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I've decided to share this story I found with you.

Story
A Zen student came to Bankei and complained: "Master, I have an ungovernable temper. How can I cure it?"

"You have something very strange," replied Bankei. "Let me see what you have."

"Just now I cannot show it to you" replied the other.

"When can you show it to me?" asked Bankei

"It arises unexpectedly," replied the student.

"Then," concluded Bankei, "it must not be your own true nature. If it were, you could show it to me any time. When you were born, you did not have it, and your parents did not give it to you. Think that over."

Opinions

News
No new updates for this week.

Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I've decided to share a story from Paulo Coelho.

Story
In a kingdom of Arabia lived a queen called Layla. Her wisdom illuminated the land like the sun, her beauty blinded men, and her wealth was greater than any of her subjects.

One morning, her chief advisor asked to see her, and said:
"Great queen Layla! You are the wisest, most beautiful and wealthiest women in the world. But I have heard unpleasant things; some people laugh at or complain about your decisions. Why, in spite of all you have done for your subjects, are they still not content?"

The queen laughed and replied:

"Loyal advisor, you know how much I have done for my kingdom. Seven regions are under my control, and all of them have enjoyed peace and prosperity. In all the towns, the decisions of my court are just and inspired.

"I can do almost everything I wish. I can order the frontiers to be closed, the gates of the palace to be locked, the treasury coffers sealed indefinitely.

"But there is one thing I cannot do: make the people shut their mouths. It matters not what false things people say; the important thing is to continue to do that which I consider to be true."

A Taste of Wisdom

News
There will be no weekly message next week because I will be out of the country.

I've decided to share a story that I found instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts.

Story
A Taste Of Wisdom

An aging Hindu master grew tired of his apprentice complaining and so, one morning, sent him for some salt.

When the apprentice returned, the master instructed the unhappy young man to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink it.

"How does it taste?" the master asked.

"Bitter," spit the apprentice.

The master chuckled and then asked the young man to take the same handful of salt and put it in the lake.

The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and once the apprentice swirled his handful of salt in the water, the old man said, "Now drink from the lake."

As the water dripped down the young man's chin, the master asked, "How does it taste?"

"Fresh," remarked the apprentice.

"Do you taste the salt?" asked the master.

"No," said the young man.

At this the master sat beside this serious young man, who so reminded him of himself, and took his hands, offering:

"The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains exactly the same. However, the amount of bitterness we taste depends on the container we put the pain in. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things. Stop being a glass. Become a lake."

Becoming

News
We still have some space available for this Saturday's Self-Image Workshop.
We will start at 11:30am at The Wolfhound Pub.

If you would like to register, please email me: bob@oneamazinglife.com

Quote
"You don't get what you want. You get what you are."
- Dr. Wayne Dyer

My Thoughts
Sometimes we want something so bad and yet not matter how hard we try it never seems to work out. Of course there are numerous factors to look at, but I believe the biggest one to check is your self-image. Does your self-image align with what you want?

I think a story will help illustrate my point a little better.

Me and my younger brother are complete opposites. We both grew up under the same conditions yet we ended up completely different. Why? It started with our self-image, this then helped shape our views and reactions about what happened to us.

My brother decided that he was a victim and he blamed everyone for his problems. He eventually joined a gang and started selling drugs. One thing lead to another and he ended up in prison for quite a few years. I realized at some point in high school that I needed to leave Philadelphia in order to have a better chance at getting out of the cycle that plagues certain parts of cities. If I had stayed there I too probably would have ended up in jail at some point in time.
So when I was 17 I made the decision to join the military and the rest is history.
I spent 11 years working as an intelligence analyst for the US government and the past three years running my own business.

It all started with self-image. Once my brother decided to be the victim, he then took on that self-image. Instead of making his own decisions, he allowed others to make those decisions for him. Once he joined that gang, he then became that self-image (or their self-image). He acted how you would expect someone in a gang to act.

It took me quite a long time to change my self-image. I made very small progress over the years. It wasn't until after I started my coaching training that I was fully able to make some big changes rather quickly. The reason for that was what I learned about myself through being coached and later coaching others. This plus specific work on my self-image allowed me to make rapid changes.

I encourage you this week to take a look at the beliefs you hold about yourself. Becoming aware of your thoughts and beliefs is the first step to change.

Fearing Death

News
There is still space available for the Self-Image Workshop on Saturday, April 7th. It will be from 11:30am - 1:00pm at The Wolfhound Pub in Itaewon.

This will be the last workshop that I will be conducting this year in Korea. I have had some changes in my life recently and I will have to leave Korea for some period of time (more on that in a future message).

We have ten people paid and attending so far so it is a great way to meet people that are making positive changes in their lives.
For those that have said they are going but have not paid yet, remember the discount ends tomorrow night (the 26th)
If you pay by Monday evening the fee for the workshop is only 10,000 won. If you wait, the fee will be 20,000 won. If you pay the day of the event it is 25,000 won.

You can transfer the money here:
Robert Taylor
KEB
620-198536-520

If you have problems with transferring money, please let me know.

If you have any questions, please feel free to email me: bob@oneamazinglife.com

Quote
"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything -- all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure -- these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. ... Stay hungry. Stay foolish."
-Steve Jobs

My Thoughts
Sometimes we get caught up in thinking we have all the time in the world so this can lead us to put off making decisions. We also tend to worry about what others think of us, and we fear failing. All of these things slow down our decision making ability.

We will all die. That is the only real guarantee in life. It's not something to be sad about. Once you embrace death and realize that your time here is finite it can help you see what really matters most. Once you know what really matters most then it becomes much easier to make decisions.

I lost my Mom when I was 13 years old. It completely shattered my worldview at the time. The biggest lesson that I learned from that was time is limited so don't waste it. If you know what you want in life, go and pursue it.

I have tried my best to follow this over the last twenty years. It hasn't always been easy, but it has provided me with much meaning.

I encourage all of you that are putting off making big decisions to really look inside and see what is preventing you from making those decisions.

Have an amazing week.

Self-Image

News
I''ll be conducting a self-image workshop on Saturday, April 7th from 11:30am - 1:00pm.
The location will be The Wolfhound Pub. (http://www.wolfhoundpub.com/)

Your self-image controls what you can and can not do, be, or have in life. If you have set goals and are struggling to achieve them then you need to take a look at your self-image. If you have no goals, then taking a look at your self-image can help you gain clarity on choosing goals.

I will share my story with you of how I went from a very shy person scared to even speak up in a small group, to being able stand up in front of audiences of 100+ people and deliver multi-hour long workshops/training.

If you would like to earn more money, do you see yourself as the person capable of earning more money?
If you would like to be healthier, do you see yourself as healthy?
If you would like to have a great relationship, are you the person capable of it?

If the answer is no to any of those questions then it doesn't matter how many goals you set, you will constantly fall short.

If you change your self-image, you will literally change all areas of your life.

Come join us and learn how to start changing your self-image to be in line with the life you desire.

The fee for the workshop is 20,000 won***. However, if you pay by Monday, March 26th the fee will only be 10,000 won.

***Because the owners of The Wolfhound were gracious enough to allow us to use their space, all participants are expected to purchase something (food and/or drink) from the menu.***

You can transfer the fee here:
Robert Taylor
KEB
620-198536-520

Quote
"Self-image sets the boundaries of individual accomplishment."
Dr. Maxwell Maltz

My Thoughts
How do you see yourself? The words and roles you use to describe yourself will often cause you to be confined to those descriptions.

What do I mean?

Well if you describe yourself as shy, nervous, weak, etc... then how will you act? Just like your descriptions. If we look a little deeper at roles, if you describe yourself as a student, teacher, employee, etc... then how will you act? You will tend to fulfill whatever expectations society has of those roles.

Did you ever notice that sometimes you can guess what someone does for a living by looking at them? Sometimes you can guess if someone is a professor, a soldier, a student, etc... Why? Because they fit what we think (or society has taught us) those people should look like. People that are really good at reading people (like some of my former coworkers in the defense industry) can tell what someone does for a living with almost 100% accuracy just by looking at them.

Think about these two distinctions: an employee vs. a business partner. If you say you are an employee you probably do what's expected of an employee. For example: Wait around until someone tells you to do something. If you say you are a business partner you will probably take a more proactive approach to solving problems.

Another example: Would you like to earn a million dollars? Do you have the self-image of a millionaire? Are you doing the things that a millionaire would do with his/her time?

Your self-image rules every area of your life.

I have completely changed in every area of my life over the last ten years and it all came about when I started to change my self-image.

I encourage you to take a look at the words you use to describe yourself and start altering those descriptions to fit with what you desire. Of course it's not only about changing the words you use, their are some other steps involved, but it starts with that.

Have an awesome week.

The Enemy Within

Hello Everyone,

I hope that your week is off to an awesome start.

News
I will be holding a workshop the first weekend in April. More details to follow soon.

Instead of sharing a quote this week, I found this story on Paulo Coelho's blog and wanted to share it with you:

Story
The Enemy Within
by Paulo Coelho

A man was in a bar with his group, when an old friend entered. He had lived his life trying to go down the right path, but to no avail. “I should give him some money”, he thought to himself.
But the friend was now rich, and came to the bar that night just to pay all the debts he had incurred over the years. In addition to repaying the loans given to him, he ordered a round of drinks for everyone.

When asked how he had become so successful, he replied, that until days ago he was living as the “Other”.

“What is the Other?” asked Pilar.

“The Other believes that the obligation of man is to spend a lifetime thinking about how to have security so not to die of hunger when getting old. Therefore, living as the Other you fail to discover that Life also has plans, and they may be different.”

“But there is danger. And there is suffering”, the people said in the bar, who had begun to listen.

“No one escapes the suffering. So it is better to lose a few battles in order to fight for your dreams, then to be defeated without even knowing what you are fighting for. When I discovered this, I woke up determined to be what I always really wanted to be. The Other stood there in my room watching.
Although it sought to scare me sometimes, I did not allow it to return. From the moment I pushed the Other out of my life, the divine energy worked its miracles.”

Have an amazing week.

Bob

Creativity

Hello Everyone,

I hope that your week is off to an awesome start.

News
No new updates for this week.

Quote
“Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.”
-Albert Einstein

Instead of sharing my thoughts, I'd like to share this article that a friend shared with me. I encourage you to read it and implement the ideas as best you can in your own life.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/creative-thinkering/201107/9-easy-ways-create-ideas

Have an outstanding week.

Bob

Two Kangaroos

Hello Everyone,

I hope that your week is off to a wonderful start.

News
If you are in need of personal training, I offer one on one training or I can create a nutrition and/or workout plan for you.

I can help if you are looking to lose weight, maintain it, or get bigger. I can also help with gaining strength.

Some background info on me:
I am six feet tall (183cm) and I used to be horrifically thin. I weighed around 130lbs (~60kgs) when I was 18.
Over a period of ten years I gained over 100lbs (45kgs) while minimizing fat gain.
I have successfully completed two strict bodybuidling diets.
The first time losing around 15lbs (7kgs) and the second time losing almost 40lbs (18kgs).
I am also experienced in recovering from injuries. I have pulled my lower back twice, had bicep and tricep tendonitis, and had a rotator cuff injury.
I have:
13 years experience with various workout programs. It is composed of:
Six years experience with bodybuilding.
Five years experience with military style training.
Three years experience with mixed martial arts.
Two years experience with powerlifting.

For further information please email bob@oneamazinglife.com

Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I'll share a story I found on Paulo Coelho's blog.

Story
Two young kangaroos were playing in the forest when they fell into a very deep pit. They tried to jump out but couldn’t jump high enough to get out of the hole.
Meanwhile, a big group of kangaroos started gathering above the pit – the pit was very deep and the gathered onlookers shouted to the two young kangaroos that it was impossible for them to get out. The older one of the two kangaroos heard the disheartening words of the spectators and after a while gave up and fell asleep, whilst the younger kept jumping and trying harder.
Finally, he managed to jump out of the hole – the spectators were shocked and asked the kangaroo,
“When we had told you so many times that it was impossible to get out, what was the reason that you tried even harder?”
The kangaroo was shocked because as he was partially deaf. He told them:
“Looking at all of you standing there cheering me gave me the strength to succeed in my mission of getting out of the pit.”

Always remember the affect your words have on others.

Have an awesome week.

Bob

Listening

News
No new updates for this week.

Quote
“A wise old owl sat on an oak; The more he saw the less he spoke; The less he spoke the more he heard; Why aren't we like that wise old bird?”

My Thoughts
Listening is a critical skill to develop for any relationship. Becoming better listeners will help us in all areas of our lives. Most people struggle with listening. Instead of listening many people are merely thinking about what they are going to say while the other person is talking. This leads to miscommunication, disagreements, and arguments.

I'll share a story about how this can affect business relationships.

This past weekend I met some friends at a bar called Prost. I won't go into all the details of what happened, however the main problem here was listening. Basically we asked the staff for something, but they didn't appear to listen. So we talked with one manager and she didn't really seem to listen either. We then talked with another manager and he also didn't listen. In the end what we requested wasn't fulfilled which actually wasn't the problem. The problem was in the handling of the request. No one could explain why things were handled as they were.

So what was the outcome?

Well now myself nor anyone close to me will go back to Prost (something similar had happened there before but it wasn't as bad). The situation could have been avoided if one person out of the five we talked with had stopped and listened. Will that hurt their business? Maybe not right away, but if it continues to happen it will certainly cause a loss in customers.

I encourage you to be a better listener this week. When someone is talking try to not have any thoughts, just focus on what they are saying.

Have an amazing week.

Giving Coins

Hello Everyone,

I hope your week is off to a great start.

News
There are still a few seats available for this Saturday's "Mastermind Group Coaching Course".

If you are interested in attending please register with me to make sure your space is reserved.

You can register by emailing me: bob@oneamazinglife.com

Instead of sharing a quote and my thoughts this week, I've decided to share a story.

Story
“Over the course of one year, give a coin to each person who offends or upsets you,” instructed the abbot of a young man who wanted people to follow a spiritual path.
For the next twelve months, the boy gave a coin to each person who offended or upset him, as he was instructed. At the end of the year, he returned to the abbot to find out what the next steps were.
“Go into town and buy food for me,” the abbot responded.
Once the boy left, the abbot changed his clothes, disguised himself as a beggar and went to the gate. When the boy approached, he began to insult him.
“Good!” said the boy, “for a whole year I had to pay the people who upset or offended me, and now I can be offended for free, without spending anything!”
Hearing this, the abbot removed his disguise.
“He who does not take insults seriously, is on the path to wisdom.”

Have an outstanding week.

Blessings

News
The 6-Week "Think and Grow Rich" Group Coaching course will start on Saturday, February 18th at 1:30pm.

What: "Think and Grow Rich" Group Coaching
When: Saturday, February 18th 1:30pm - 3:30pm
Finish: Saturday, March 24th (12-14 hours worth of group coaching)
Where: Haebongcheon
Group Size: 6-10 people
Price: 150,000 won. If you pay by Friday, February 10th the price will be only 120,000 won.

This course is based on the book "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill. The book completely changed my life and I'd like to share this wonderful information with as many people as possible. The word "rich" used in the title doesn't necessarily mean in terms of finances, it is talking about being rich in all areas of your life.

If you are looking for something new, I highly recommend this course.

If you have any questions, or would like to register please email: bob@oneamazinglife.com

For more information about the course, please visit: www.oneamazinglife.com

Quote
"If you can eat when you need to, that's a blessing."
-Anonymous

My Thoughts
Sometimes we get so focused on what we don't have that we forget to look at what we do have. Sometimes we become frustrated that we don't have enough. It helps to remember that there are many people far worse off than you.

We can get so caught up chasing after the things we don't have that we never stop and look around us. We never see the inherent beauty in all that is around us. It also can cause us not to be focused on the present moment.

Remember to be grateful for what you do have. I suggest that you take time each morning or evening to reflect on what you have. It can really help change your outlook on life.

Have an amazing week.

Sacrifice

News
I have decided to open up a group coaching course using the classic book by Napoleon Hill, "Think and Grow Rich".

This is the book that completely changed the course of my life. I know the principles in it work, because they allowed me to triple my income in three years while working for a company. They also allowed me to reach my health and fitness goals.

You should seriously consider joining this course if any of these apply to you:
1. You are looking for something more.
2. You are unsure of what you want out of life.
3. You keep giving up on your goals.
4. You are looking to meet a group of like-minded people seeking to grow.
5. You'd like to find out what coaching is all about.

The group size is 6-10 people. We meet once a week for six weeks and the meetings typically last 2-2.5 hours. If you miss a meeting or have to leave early I will send you notes on what was discussed.

The course will start on Friday, February 10th at 7:00pm. The location will be Haebongcheon.
It's about 10 minutes from Noksapyung station, or five minutes from two bus stops (Bus #'s 143, 401, 406).

I normally charge 250,000 won - 500,000 won per hour to corporate clients for coaching. However, I wanted to make this as affordable as possible to everyone.
So the price for the entire six week course (12-14 hours of coaching) is only 150,000 won.

The great news is that if you register by this Wednesday you will receive 20% off the price. So the entire six-week course will cost only 130,000 won.

Remember the group size is limited to ten people so if you'd like to join please act quickly. Due to my schedule I am not sure when I'll be able to offer the course again.

If you know you are ready for change, you can send the course fee here:
Robert Taylor
KEB
620-198536-520

If you have further questions about the course, please feel free to email:
bob@oneamazinglife.com

For further information about the course, you can also check out our website: www.oneamazinglife.com

Quote
"You give before you get."
-Napoleon Hill

My Thoughts
We often expect things to change without us changing first. We sometimes think that magically everything will be fine even if we don't change something. However, usually this type of thinking ends up leaving us disappointed and stressed.

I'll share a story with you.

When I decided to start my business, I left behind a very comfortable job that paid me almost 150,000,000 won per year. In pursuit of my passion I ended up giving up nearly everything I had. I moved out of my nice apartment, I sold my car, I sold all my stock, I sold my 401k, I ended up using my entire savings. I lost some friends (although I found out who the true ones were). It pushed me to my absolute limit emotionally.

But you know what? It's all been worth it. Do I make any more money now then previously? No. Is my income stream stable? No. Do I deal with life's struggles? Yes. But the reason it's all been worth it is because not only am I doing what I love but also I've learned more about myself in the last three years than I could have ever imagined.

If you are seeking some sort of change in your life, remember you have to change something about yourself first.

Have an incredible week.

Struggle

News
The early registration discount deadline for next Saturday's workshop has been extended until tomorrow night. If you register by then, you only pay 15,000 won for the two-hour workshop. If you register after that the price is 30,000 won.

We have about 20 people attending so far so it is a great opportunity to meet other like-minded people looking to reach beyond their boundaries and grow.

To register, please email me: bob@oneamazinglife.com

Quote
“But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for.”
-Paulo Coelho

My Thoughts
I've recently received a few emails from people that are feeling down and unhappy. So I wanted to share with you some of my thoughts on dealing with times when you are feeling down.

It helps to remember that we all go through cycles. Sometimes we are feeling great and at other times we feel lost and hopeless. It's a natural part of life. In our down moments we are offered the opportunity to learn more about ourselves. We can ask what is the source of this unhappiness? And if we are willing to be honest and explore our inner selves a bit we can often work through issues and grow. I find that meditation has really helped me over the last two years. It really allows us to become aware of our thoughts and feelings. I know that's not an easy task, but it is certainly worthwhile.

Secondly, you can put things in perspective. If you've been focusing on what you don't have, focus on what you do have. Spend ten minutes writing down what you are grateful for. You can also ask yourself how bad is my situation really? Compared to (the homeless person I see everyday, the person that just lost their family, etc...) how bad is my situation? You can also read inspirational books and articles about people that have dealt with struggle and came out on top.

Lastly, It helps to remember that life offers us lessons. Sometimes (or maybe most times) they don't come up at convenient times, and we may not want to learn whatever the lesson is. If you are a spiritual person I recommend praying for guidance, strength, patience, and understanding.

Remember you are never given a burden that you can not handle.

Have an awesome week.

Decision Making

News
I've had many inquires about when I'll be doing another workshop or group coaching session. Due to my work with corporate clients I haven't been able to provide an accurate answer until now.

Well I have great news, the next workshop will be:

What: 2012: A New Beginning
When: Saturday, January 28th 11am-1pm
Where: The Wolfhound Pub, Itaewon www.wolfhoundpub.com
Price*: 15,000 won (if you pay by the 23rd)
30,000 won (if you pay after the 23rd)

Are you feeling like something's missing?
Are you tired of your current situation?
Do you find yourself feeling bored?
Do you wish that you were doing something that you love?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, I strongly suggest you consider attending this workshop.

This workshop will focus on setting and achieving whatever it is you desire. I will also discuss ways to deal with failure, uncertainty, and feeling lost.

I'll be sharing part of my story with you. I went from being completely broke to earning over 10 million won a month in two years. I walked away from that career to pursue my dream.

I'll share with you:
-How I went from being broke to earning over 10 million won a month.
-How I found my passion.
-Why I decided to leave a very comfortable career to pursue my dream.
-What struggles I have faced and lessons I've learned since pursuing my dream three years ago.
-How I handle challenges that seem to come up when you least expect them.

What you can expect to take away from this workshop:
-How to set and achieve any goal that you desire.
-Greater clarity on what you desire.
-How to deal with setbacks and challenges.
-A much deeper understanding of why many people fail to achieve their dreams.

I think another huge benefit of attending an event like this is that you get to meet like-minded people interested in getting more out of life.

As a bonus the first three people that register will get a free 30 minute one-on-one coaching session.

I will be available after the conclusion of the workshop to answer any questions.

*Because the owners of The Wolfhound were gracious enough to allow us to use their space participants should purchase at least one drink or food item.*

To register for the workshop, or if you have any questions, please email me:
bob@oneamazinglife.com

To find out more information on One Amazing Life, please check out: www.oneamazinglife.com

Quote
"Decisiveness is a characteristic of high-performing men and women. Almost any decision is better than no decision at all."
- Brian Tracy

My Thoughts
I believe the ability to make decisions quickly is critical to success. Unfortunately many people lack this skill. I also used to be very slow at making decisions. I wanted to analyze every angle because I thought this would allow me to make a better decision. Of course in the time I spent analyzing someone else would make a decision and the opportunity would go to them. One day I decided I would enhance my decision making skills. I just started decided on small things first and then that naturally progressed into the bigger decisions.

For example:
Friends, coworkers, family often ask: "What do you want for lunch/dinner?". This seems like a very simple question, but often it gets dragged out into a long discussion. I decided that I would just state what first came into my mind. I wasn't really attached to whether we ate that or not, but it allowed me to decide what I felt like eating quickly. I then carried this over to other things like doing the dishes or laundry. If I saw dishes or laundry that needed to be done, I decided to do them. This also had another benefit of getting rid of procrastination.

I've found that their doesn't seem to be much more danger in quick decisions than long drawn out decisions. As a matter of fact, I think that more opportunities lie in quick decisions, and people that are seen as decision makers usually rise to the top in their fields.

So the great news is that if you are lacking in the decision making area you can develop this skill like any other habit.

I encourage you this week to start making quicker decisions.

Have a phenomenal week.

Bob