Sunday, May 29, 2011

Struggles

News
No new updates for this week.

I had a sudden change in my schedule so unfortunately, I am not able to share my thoughts with you this week.

Instead, I'll leave you with a story:

Life Struggles
A man found a cocoon of an emperor moth. He took it home so that he could watch the moth come out of the cocoon. On the day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the moth for several hours as the moth struggled to force the body through that little hole.

The moth seemed to be stuck and appeared to have stopped making progress. It seemed as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther. The man, in his kindness, decided to help the moth; so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The moth then emerged easily. But its body was swollen and small, its wings wrinkled and shriveled. The man continued to watch the moth because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to and able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the little moth spent the rest of its life crawling around with a small, swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly. The man in his kindness and haste did not understand that the struggle required for the moth to get through the tiny opening was necessary to force fluid from the body of the moth into its wings so that it would be ready for flight upon achieving its freedom from the cocoon. Freedom and flight would only come after the struggle. By depriving the moth of a struggle, he deprived the moth of health.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets, and don't forget the power in the struggle.

-Author Unknown

Have an outstanding week.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Judgements

Hello Everyone,

I hope that you had an amazing weekend.

News
I received an email early last week asking me if I could help out a worthy cause. I checked it out and decided that I would.

Here is the info:
The Westfall Foundation has launched a new campaign titled “Commit To Your
Health”. With the release of a series of fitness and exercise DVDs,
the campaign is geared towards raising awareness for those who suffer
from Friedreich’s Ataxia, which is a rare inherited disease

Kerry Westfall himself performs all exercises while in his
wheelchair; however he made it a solid point to produce a DVD where
people who are not in need of a wheelchair may also perform all
exercises. The video absolutely amazing and the foundation sells them
in order to raise funds to cure Friedreich’s Ataxia.

Kerry Westfall was diagnosed at a young age with the debilitating
disease called Friedreich’s Ataxia. Friedreich's Ataxia (also
called FA or FRDA) is a rare inherited disease that causes nervous
system damage and movement problems. Symptoms of FA include pain,
shortness of breath, and heart palpitations. Though impaired by this
disease and wheelchair bound, having FA did not discourage Kerry from
trying to lead a normal life.

For more information on the “Commit to your health” campaign, to
obtain a DVD or donate to the Westfall Foundation cause please visit:
http://cts.vresp.com/c/?BeautifulPlanningMar/46dd0f3791/057e9e387f/a565894953
You can also view a 5 minute trailer for the DVD at the link above.

About the Westfall Foundation
The Westfall Foundation is a national 501(C)(3) tax-deductible
charity. The Westfall Foundation is dedicated to the pursuit of
funding medical research leading to treatments, cures and an overall
better understanding of neuromuscular and Central Nervous System
(CNS) diseases, such as Friedreich’s Ataxia, Multiple Scleroses and
Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s diseases. The Westfall Foundation`s
mission is to award grants which contribute to finding cures and
effective treatments for the mentioned diseases. The Westfall
Foundation understands the power of people, thus our second objective
is to fund other 501(C)(3) organizations who are actively sponsoring
research initiatives to find effective treatments for diseases
classified as neuromuscular and neurodegenerative, as well as CNS
diseases, such as Alzheimer`s and Parkinson’s disease.

Why am I sharing this?
Well a very close friend of my family has muscular dystrophy and when I was growing up I saw first hand at what it did to him. Over the last 25 years he went from being able to walk to not being able to do anything on his own. Doctors say that he will die soon.

If you purchase the DVD, your money will go to charity. You can also donate your time and/or money to the Westfall Foundation.

Quote
"Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances."
-Wayne Dyer

My Thoughts
It is so easy sometimes for us to judge others. We look at people and determine good/bad, right/wrong, beautiful/ugly, smart/stupid, etc... Oftentimes we do this to people that we've never met. We hear a rumor or a news story and judge them.

Recently, this has happened with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Tiger Woods. I heard someone say recently how idiotic they both are and that they would never do that. Really? I asked this individual if he had ever been put in a similar situation as them and he said no. I wondered how would he respond if placed in even a remotely similar situation. Would he hold the moral high ground? Or would he give in to temptation?
Now don't get me wrong I am not condoning their actions, but there is always more to the story. We will never know 100% what lead them to their current situation.

Of course I haven't mentioned about not placing people on pedestals. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone has their own challenges to face. But that is for another week.

I'd like to share a story with you.

My younger brother was shot in the chest last week. He managed to survive and somehow wasn't seriously injured. I don't have all the details yet, but apparently it was a set up to steal his drugs and cash. One guy approached him to buy drugs and he went somewhere with him. As the transaction took place the guy attempted to fight with my brother and another guy stepped out from behind a wall and shot my brother in the chest.

This happened minutes away from where we grew up in Philadelphia. Besides getting shot in the chest the other disappointing news is that evidently my brother is back to dealing again. He will turn 27 this year and if he lives to be 30 I would be amazed. Remember 2 months ago he had his faced smashed in with a club. Assuming he doesn't get killed first, I have a feeling he will end up in prison again soon.

Now it would be very easy for me to judge him. Call him a moron and point out reasons why he is a moron. This is the approach the rest of my family has taken. This approach hasn't worked in the past and it won't work now.
What he needs is:
1. A program that can show him with real world examples that their is a different way out and tools which will enable him to have lasting change.
2. A strong support group
3. He needs to relocate.

When he got out of prison in 2009, I called him everyday and provided him some basic coaching plus I was the real world example for him. However, I couldn't provide the other two factors that he would need to have a serious shot at getting better.

He hit bottom in 2009, but now that shock has worn off and he is back to his old ways so before a program like I mentioned above would be effective he would need to hit bottom again. For most people getting shot in the chest would do that, but unfortunately for him I don't think it has.

The point of this is that somewhere inside of him he still has goodness left. By judging him we are not able to come up with potential ways to benefit him and society. Judging others clouds our thinking and pushes us apart.

I encourage all of you to try and understand others instead of judging them. In doing this you will also learn a great deal about yourself.

Have an incredible week.

Bob

Sunday, May 15, 2011

The Other Side

News
No new updates for this week.

Due to my schedule today, I've decided just to share a short story for you to think about. I recommend that you spend some time contemplating the meaning of this story.

Story

The Other Side
One day a young Buddhist on his journey home came to the banks of a wide river. Staring hopelessly at the great obstacle in front of him, he pondered for hours on just how to cross such a wide barrier. Just as he was about to give up his pursuit to continue his journey he saw a great teacher on the other side of the river. The young Buddhist yells over to the teacher, "Oh wise one, can you tell me how to get to the other side of this river"?

The teacher ponders for a moment looks up and down the river and yells back, "My son, you are on the other side".

Have an outstanding week.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Know your Darkness

News
The message below is from a group that gets together and watches documentaries once a month. It sounded interesting so I wanted to share it with all of you.

What: Let's watch a film!
When: Sunday, May 29th, 2011 6:30 PM


Where: Roofers
Itaewon 132-5
Seoul
02-749-2970

Why: This is a very interesting and informative film about where
our food comes from. It'll leave you in awe, with some

answers and even some questions! A fantastic film to watch with
friends. Website of the film- http://www.foodincmovie.com/

Hey guys, Me and two of my friends have started a documentary
screening club in Seoul. We'll be showing one film every month
at Roofers in Itaewon, following a group discussion. These
films are social/political/cultural in nature. They're really
well made, and have won various awards, from Academy award for
best documentary to best directing/writing in famous film
festivals. Come join us for our second film screening of the year, on
Sunday the 29th of May. For more information you can check out
the following site as well-

https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=206304752724259


Hope to see some of you guys at the screening. :-)

Zenith Bose
010 4996 5939

Quote
"Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people."
-Carl Jung

My Thoughts
Each of us has our own problems to overcome. For some it is addiction to alcohol, drugs, sex, etc... For some it is anger, judgement, guilt, etc.. All of us have something or multiple things that we must deal with as we go through life.

All people are born inherently good. It can be difficult for people to accept this. The problem arises when we do not keep our ego in check. If we do not keep our ego in check then darkness can overtake us. We see egos gone seriously out of control in people that cause mass destruction in the world.

Interestingly those that cheered Osama Bin Laden's death are catering to the egos need for revenge, for a feeling of justice. If they continue feeding that side of their personalty, they will slowly start going down a slope that is hard to come back from. If they really keep feeding their ego, then they will be just as bad as the terrorists they wanted to stop.

The good news is that for most people their is a system of check and balances in place so your ego won't take complete control of you.

I would like to share a story with you. One of the things that I had to overcome was anger. The thing was I didn't recognize it as anger, I saw it more as being realistic. I'll tell you what I mean.

As many of you know I grew up in a not so nice area of Philadelphia. I was surrounded by violence. I saw my first murder victim at just 6 years old. Somebody killed the guy up the street and wrapped his body up in toilet tissue and shoved him into the trunk of his car. I was there when the cops opened the trunk. The smell was horrendous.

The thing was I thought all of this was normal. When I left Philadelphia I took my conditioning with me. It was this idea that people are always looking to fight, steal, and possible murder you so you should be on guard for any possible attack because it's better to go down fighting then get shot in the back.

Of course that idea can help you at times when others are naive. But generally speaking it causes more harm than good because you will always be on the lookout for a fight and sure enough you will find one.

In the late 90's when I came to Korea a lot of people stared. It doesn't happen these days (or maybe I don't notice it anymore). I didn't mind so much when it was a person much older than me, but when it was a guy around my own age it made me upset. Why? Well in Philadelphia if someone is staring at you it generally means something bad will happen.

So intellectually I was thinking "Look this is a foreign country, maybe they just want to talk.". However, my conditioning told me "Nope, they don't like something about you and they are a threat.". By the way, your conditioning which is in your subconscious mind will win out in a battle with your conscious or intellectual mind.

Many years ago I was standing in line at an ATM with a fair amount of drunk people. There were two guys around my age standing behind me that were going on about how stupid Americans are. Incidentally, I didn't care about the fact that were making fun of Americans, having lived outside of the US for so long I've lost a strong sense of national pride. However, I thought maybe they should be careful because other Americans may not be so nice. So I turned around a politely mentioned that they may want to be more careful about how loud they are complaining about Americans (and foreigners in general). This whole thing happened in Korean.

After I said that I turned around and waited in line. Then they started saying things like "This stupid American can speak Korean", "I wonder if he understands............".
Basically calling me every not nice thing under the sun. Now of course the easiest thing would have been for me to step out of the line and walk away. But I didn't do that.

So as I get to the front of the line I stared getting money and the guys behind me step forward and grab my hand....with the money I just got in it. Now conditioning told me, they were trying to steal my money. Were they? Probably not.

So I pulled my hand away and put my money away, while they were yelling at me and grabbing me. Suddenly some guy comes up and breaks everything up. I realized this guy is right I should walk away, not to mention fighting two people at once is never a good idea.

I started walking away when one of the guys that was behind me runs up and punches me in the back (he should have punched me in the head). Now, my conditioning was back in control. I'll spare you the details but he was not looking so good when I left. His friend tried hitting me a few times, but I threw him on the ground (not too hard, just enough to make him think twice).

The whole point of this story is that I could have walked away from the very beginning. It was not my job to worry about if they offended someone else and got into a fight.

A similar situation happened when I saw a guy hitting a woman. Now you may say well in that case you did the right thing. Perhaps, but I didn't fully know the story and I didn't need to use the amount of force that I did to stop the situation. There was probably a better way of handling the situation.

Eventually I was able to overcome this anger with a change in perception.

So what is the take away from all of this?

1. Realize that all of us have our own inner demons to overcome. This can help you understand others better.

2. If you are pissed off at someone that bumps into you, or cuts you off driving, or is staring at you, remember, you never know the full story of what is going on. Perhaps they cut you off because they found out that their wife/husband was in an accident and now they are at the hospital. Perhaps the person is staring at you because they want to talk but they don't know how or they are shy/nervous. Ask yourself is there another way of looking at this situation.

There is also a technique of imagining everyone as your mother (or some loved one) and treat them as you would treat her.

3. Meditate. This has really helped me with handling emotions. Start with just five minutes every day. After a few weeks bump it up to 10 minutes every day. After another few weeks raise it to 20 minutes every day.

Have an outstanding week.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Blind Men and an Elephant

News
No new updates this week.

Instead of giving you a quote and my thoughts I wanted to share a story for you to ponder.

Blind Men and an Elephant

Several citizens ran into a hot argument about God and different religions, and each one could not agree to a common answer. So they came to the Buddha to find out what exactly God looks like.

The Buddha asked his disciples to get a large magnificent elephant and four blind men. He then brought the four blind to the elephant and told them to find out what the elephant would "look" like.

The first blind men touched the elephant leg and reported that it "looked" like a pillar. The second blind man touched the elephant tummy and said that an elephant was a wall. The third blind man touched the elephant ear and said that it was a piece of cloth. The fourth blind man hold on to the tail and described the elephant as a piece of rope. And all of them ran into a hot argument about the "appearance" of an elephant.

The Buddha asked the citizens: "Each blind man had touched the elephant but each of them gives a different description of the animal. Which answer is right?"

Have an incredible week.